First the tour is up. Am I coming to a town near you? Are you coming to the town near you to see me?
If I am NOT coming to a town near you? Well. Now you know. And you can take steps to get the signed, personalized copy of SELS you need to be happy and fulfilled as human being.
Meanwhile, I need a whole new wardrobe. I have almost no clothes that fit me. Literally. I have four outfits I can wear that aren’t yoga pants, but I don’t want to sell a kidney.
After a botched attempt at TJ MAXXinist-ing and an even Botcheder attempt to figure out what season I am, I have realized that I am too cheap and too fashionably clueless to get a whole new wardrobe via traditional means. SO! I decided I am not going to buy new clothes, and yet I will over the course of this year BUILD a four season wardrobe out of NO new clothes. (EXCEPTIONS: Socks, Shoes, underwear, and bathing suits. Because, ew.)
I am thrifting LIKE A BOSS, ya’ll.
href=”http://vimeo.com/garrettgibbons”>Garrett Wesley Gibbons on Vimeo.
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, you ask. I’ll tell ya.
1) I am a cold *ss honky. Obviously.
2) I miss 5 Full Plates. It was a group blog that did self-improvement projects for about a year. I NEED A SELF-IMPROVEMENT PROJECT. The only thing I love more than having an improvement project is having a project with a deadline and clearly defined parameters for victory. I LOVE victory the best.
3) Five full Plates happened when I was SICK, and I failed all the projects. Yes, all. Dismally and abjectly. SUPER FAILED. I want to WIN one. I can win this.
4) I am naturally VERY CHEAP. I love to get things for a small amount of money. I got a skirt at Finders Keepers off the sale rack for 3 dollars and I wore it to church yesterday and got compliments and I was all, “THANKS IT WAS THREE DOLLARS!!!!” and that made me feel pretty AND frugal.
5) When I get things I HAVE to buy (food, clothing shelter) I have more money to spend on things that I WANT to buy (books, small batch bourbon, play tickets) and to support causes that are very dear to me (literacy, women’s shelters, clean water for the world).
6) Because the thrift stores I’ve decided to frequent are local businesses and I am helping the EARTH by keeping things out of landfills for longer.
7) Because when I thrift ALL my clothes I can get to say smug things about supporting local business and helping earth (see 6) and giving to charity (see 5) which makes me look virtuous, but since secretly I do not give a farty fig leaf for fashion, I can brag about doing what is good and right with BARELY ANY PERSONAL SACRIFICE.
8 ) Oh, oops, number 7 was accidentally terrible to say out loud. Sorry. But it is truthful. I do not care about clothes. I DO care about bourbon and literacy. Why should I buy clothes I don’t like to impress people who don’t love me? Those who love me do not do so because of my fashion sense, any more than they might love me for my even temper and my mental wellness. You can’t love me for qualities I do not possess. SO. I can do what is good and right EASILY. I am all about easy virtue. (I will work on my need to TELL THE WORLD I am being virtuous. I still clearly have the need to impress people, just with my shiny white goodnesses instead of my pants. As a pragmatist, I am pleased the goodness is happening, even if I do also make sure I get a yummy li’l ego boost out of it. *sigh*)
9) Every thrift store IN THE WORLD right now has at least 9 V-neck black knit tops in the sale bin and Black V Neck Knit Tops are mostly created equal. I need black V neck knit shirts and jeans and skirts because this is all I wear. When I buy clothes that are made out of colors or fashion, they just sit. I buy them to impress those imaginary people who do not love me, and there ends the relationship. They hang in my closet, looking spanking new and fashionable and upsettingly colorful. Meanwhile, I stuff my body into jeans or a skirt paired with a black v neck knit top. So why nto get the 5 buck version?
10) Because I am Irish, and Macklemore SAID to, and he is the only living proof that the Irish can rap. Wut wut wut wut?
Want to play? Are you a thrifter? Or is it gross to you? Do you ever spend money on things you do not actually care about to impress people who do not love you, or is that just me? What would you rather spend that money on? YOU CAN PLAY TOO and go full on PLATESY with me.
Also, know any good Atlanta consignment hot spots I may have missed, OR, oh WAIT!!! Know ANY IN THE TOWNS WHERE AM TOURING? I would love an exotic V neck Knit Black yankee top from, say, Lansing.