Me, Ana Raquel, and Susan at a book event. WE ALL HAVE PANTS ON.
“I had an AWFUL day. My roof leaks. The cat is very sick. I can’t manage it,” she says. “You go.”
I peep out and see a large crowd has gathered. They seem angry.
A bookseller comes back and says, “SUSAN! JOSHILYN! I FINISHED YOUR INTRO TEN MINUTES AGO. THEY ARE JUST SITTING OUT THERE.”
I am about to head out when I realize I am wearing my favorite sleeping outfit, a large brick red T-shirt, soft from a thousand washings. I steal it to sleep in after Scott wears it because I like to sleep in things that smell like him. I am wearing ONLY this not-particularly-clean-or-flattering T shirt and my underpants.
I turn back and say, “Susan, you HAVE to go. I forgot my PANTS.”
“FINE,” she says, exasperated. “We will BOTH go.”
I say, “No, no, no. No. You go. I HAVE NO PANTS.”
“I can’t do it alone,” she says. “This day was so awful.”
The bookseller chomps and stamps behind us like an impatient horse, and I hiss at Susan, “GO OUT THERE ALREADY.” Susan makes a thinking face and shifts her weight from one leg to the other.
Finally she says, “I know what we can do! Here, put these on.”
She hands me her shoes.
They are bright red ballet flats. They kinda match the T shirt, and I think that maybe it will be okay. Out loud I say, “But I still don’t have PANTS…”
Susan says, “Well, I don’t have SHOES.”
My REAL Dream Shoes only have red on the soles...
“And anyway,” Susan coaxes, “Maybe no one will even notice.”
Over half the crowd has left, annoyed. The rest have pulled their chairs into an angry circle. So we go out there with me tugging the hem of the shirt down as low as it will go and I HURRY and sit and pull it down even farther. Susan and I sit down, and they all GLARE at us, and the bookseller says, “Does anyone have any questions?”
A perfectly furious lady stands up and says, “I do. I have a question. Where are her PANTS?”
THEY NOTICED!!!! My mouth opens and closes. I can’t answer. I do not KNOW where my pants are. I am SO horrified that I jump up to run away in my dream and my actual body tries to jump up and run, too. It wakes me. I find myself bolting upright in a cold and lathery panic in my bed.
Here’s where it gets weird. Yes, HERE.
I woke up actually wearing the exact thing I was wearing in the dream (minus Susan’s shoes). Then I realized that the shoes were not SUSAN’s. They are Rose Mae’s fictional shoes. They are the shoes from the back cover of BACKSEAT SAINTS. I also realized I have this actual event going on. Tonight.
Is it a bad omen? I think it is too literal to worry something will happen to my pants…but I am probably wearing a dress, just in case. What does it MEAN???
PS Karen thinks all the poop in her stories offended you. She wants to assure you that we do not sit around laughing at poop all the time. This is true. Sometimes we laugh about tooting.
It means “Make sure Scott looks at you before you leave.”
Well, the shoes are definitely cute! But isn’t it interesting to see how stage fright manifests itself? You’ll be fine tonight, Sweetie, you always are. And you’ll knock ‘em dead!
Heh, offended about posts about poop? Us? LOL!
Stress = crazy-ass dreams. It just does. All will be fine and you will both have pants and/or skirts and/or dresses on covering all of your bodily parts. And shoes (cute shoes, if I know anything about you). I got to meet Susan at a talk/signing she did a couple of years ago at the VA Festival of the Book, and I cannot imagine her being anything but unflappable. You will both charm and delight, as per the usual.
PS – That’s because poop is funny. As is tooting. Tell Karen not to worry so much as we are your people.
You never know…the crowd could love you MORE without pants. Heehee. Have fun at your event
You know, if you wear a dress, you will also not have any pants on. Just to get really literal. You’ll be great! But come up to New Hampshire already! We don’t really have any fabulous indie book stores around these parts but if you schedule a visit, I will personally open one for you to speak at.
This has been known to make the evening news.
Did you spot Leonardo DiCaprio or Joseph Gordon-Levitt anywhere in your dream? Now that you are a NYT best-selling author they might have been there to steal your next book idea. The no-pants part would have just been their distraction so you wouldn’t see what they were really up to. . .
I think it means you should wear the outfit from the cover of Backseat Saints. And then you should tell me where you got it because I WANT THAT DRESS.
No, I’m not frothing at the mouth. Why?
(Actually, I think it means that you really want to do right by your devoted fans. Which I’m sure you will! Kick ass!)
Joshilyn-you did fine! And I noticed you had silvery shoes on, not red. Susan seemed lovely and fluttery in her lace-trimmed top and y’all obviously had fun doing this appearance together. (Am distressed though that the next book won’t happen until 2012-rats!)
It sounds like everything went off without a hitch. Pants or not. Personally I have pretty strong feelings against pants. If it wasn’t for that decency nonsense I’d all the time be going without pants.
I have just discovered Susan’s books and I love her ALMOST as much as I love you. And my dream gig would be to sit in the audience and listen to both you and her, with or without pants.
Glad to hear all went well.
Well, you’re behind a sorta podium-thing, aren’t you? That might block the lack of pants.
And US? Offended by poop stories? Ha! You know we all have the sense of humor of 10-year-old boys. I was just saying you probably prefer to talk about theoretical poop, as opposed to the nitty-gritty details of your own ACTUAL personal poop.
Karen, dude. I have two cats. If I were offended by poop, I wouldn’t have time to do anything else!
I hate that kind of anxiety dream. I feel certain that you didn’t forget your pants and ended up having a great time.
Joshilyn…this is toooooo funny! Having attended the event last night, this “revelation” makes the night even more spectacular! And it was obviously just a dream since ya’ll were fantabulous-and cutely fully clothed. Thanks for reminding us adoring fans that you are a regular gal with anxiety attacks just like us. And please tell Karen-we are your best beloveds…therefore hers too so that makes poop and toots info snickering insider shares that are totally okay!
THis made me laugh out loud – what a horrible dream! I suggest you go with the dress…just sayin’.
Okay, now that the even has passed, I have to know. Did you remember to wear pants or some other type of rearend-covering garment?
Oh, man, I usually have those nightmares right before a new school year starts. In my nightmares I’m always trying to explain to a very wide-eyed group of students why I am wearing limited clothing. Worse yet are the dreams where I show up to teach without a stitch of clothing. Glad your’s was just a bad dream and that the actual event went so well.