A sample text widget

Etiam pulvinar consectetur dolor sed malesuada. Ut convallis euismod dolor nec pretium. Nunc ut tristique massa.

Nam sodales mi vitae dolor ullamcorper et vulputate enim accumsan. Morbi orci magna, tincidunt vitae molestie nec, molestie at mi. Nulla nulla lorem, suscipit in posuere in, interdum non magna.

The Third Piece of Unsolicited Advice Drops

This is not actually MY advice. It was originally posted ALL OVER my son’s high school. He stole one sign and brought it home to post on our refrigerator, lest he forget.

SERIOUSLY??? Yes, seriously.

Wall licking was a apparently a thing.

Don’t do it, ya’ll. That way lies wall-induced ebola and, should the wallpaper be of a lemon-y hue, you could end up with a serious mental illness.

My favorite part of the sign is where the tone gets all shirty and affronted and oddly British…This practice must discontinue ASAP!!!

Or maybe the sign differentiates between washed and UNWASHED walls. So then why call for a moratorium? The sign should probably read, “Ya’ll, please WASH walls before tonguing at them, THANKS.”

Related Factoid: The frontal lobe of the brain does not fully develop until the mid-twenties. SO. That explains…a lot.

25 comments to The Third Piece of Unsolicited Advice Drops

  • Linda J

    Sadly the the first thought that pops into my already overwhelmed mind is…what happened to make that a situation that needs a sign???…secondly, can I borrow the sign?

  • Fran

    I taught high school for a decade. We never had to have signs like this.

    I am completely and totally boggled.

  • Apparently, Regional Health Departments have felt it necessary to issue this advisement. Meaning it isn’t just a local phenomenon. Someone at some school first had to notice it going on. Then they had to report it up line, say to the school’s principal or health professional. Then the upline had to make his/her superiors at the local, or district, level aware that this was becoming problematic while simultaneously feeling impotent to put a stop to such activity. The locals then had to deem it sufficiently serious to take the matter up yet another level to the REGIONALs—perhaps under the belief that none of them, the DISTRICTs and the LOCALs and the SCHOOLs, had sufficient authority to proscribe such behavior or create and post a sign to this effect. The Regionals, of course, then determined—probably by committee—that strongly worded signage must issue! Et voila!

  • I shared the fact about the brain development with my son a few years ago. “You know,” I said, “your prefrontal cortex, which is involved in judgment and decision making skills, does not finish baking until your mid twenties.”
    So now, when he does something breathtakingly stupid, like the other day when he found his brother’s pocket knife and stood there, trying to flick the blade out Just So, until he flicked the whole damn thing out of his hand and sailed it across the room, where it thunked a dent in the door of my new stainless steel refrigerator, well. He looks at me, stricken, and says, “OH…stupid vortex!”
    It is a little comfort. Not much, but a little.

  • If I had such a sign, I would have to frame and hang it in my house. That is freaking hilarious!!!

  • Brigitte

    Now I’m thinking of the old Willy Wonka movie, but with a lolcat-type caption: The wall, it haz a FLAVOR”

  • I was thinking of the Lickable Wallpaper too. (“Lick a snozzberry, it tastes like a snozzberry!”)

  • Tanya

    (aside for Jim H. – exactly. thank you.)
    Oh, tears of laughter. I work in an office, in a cube farm. I am a member of the Joint Health and Safety Committee. I am tempted to remake sign and post around the office floor. Just to see my office colleagues pontificate: who was the one licking the walls to begin with?

  • DebR

    Is it ok to lick the floor? 😎

  • Martha

    Wait…what? Why? Why would there be wall licking? I am repulsed. And just… why?

  • I have shown this sign to everyone in my office. After laughing themselves silly, they all ask the same thing…Which high school is this? We’re all locals here. The wall licking epidemic may need to be addressed.

  • Oh, you made my Tuesday afternoon so very bright. I would post this sign at eye level for my dogs, but the naughty one would just eat it. And then lick the wall.

  • Jan

    I would like to do a study on this. I’d bet this sign induces more non-lickers to experiment than lickers to cease. Like those words are sooo powerful.

    Of course, in the last week I have seen two other odd memes: condom snorting (wish I were lying), and cinnamon swallowing. Perhaps they began with a wall appetizer.

  • Jessica (the celt)

    I could see this at the elementary level. I do work at a high school, though, and we once had a kid who peed his pants in class, on purpose, because someone said they’d give him $3. Yes. Three. Dollars. Not a typo. Well, the 11th grader who peed his pants never did get paid for that, but he did get in trouble. (I mean, seriously? Ew. Someone else has to sit in that chair next period, you know.)

    My coworker and I saw each other while out and about one day at a hockey game. I was in one of the first few rows, and she came down with her daughters to talk to us. Well, we’re gabbing away, not paying a lot of attention to her daughters, and my husband finally says, “What is she doing?” We look up to find her daughter running her tongue all over the glass, back and forth and up and down. She had a good 2×2 spot completely “cleaned” already. It was extremely gross (people put their feet on the glass), but we had to laugh about it. She said, “Only my daughter…” I told her I was pretty sure other kids had done it, too, which then made us both realize how much worse it probably was (foot germs, other-tongue germs, etc.) Ick.

  • Jessica (the celt)

    Oh, and the “serious mental illness” wouldn’t be “hysteria,” would it? I mean, only the women would have issues with licking lemony walls. I’m sure the men would be fine. ;~)

  • Michelle-who-is-Shelley

    Maybe it’s like eating snow?

  • cakeburnette

    I have to agree that this sign is way appropriate for elementary schools, but HIGH SCHOOL? And how did I miss that you have a high schooler? Sam must be the same age as my Shelby.

    Oh, and you were totally the subject of a high-jacked FB thread about book recommendations today. 🙂

  • I’m with Jan — I bet that sign MAKES kids want to lick the walls, sort of like that old story about the mom who leaves and tells her kids not to stick any beans up their noses. Which, of course, they promptly do.

  • Shelley

    The Google doesn’t acknowledge such an affliction. Do you suppose another student made it up and put signs everywhere? Or it could be a psychology experiment. See how many teens now lick the wall.

  • Jeanette

    I agree with Tanya. I would post this at work just to hear the comments and see the looks on people’s faces!

  • Jennifer Kepesh

    “Do not lick the walls.” Got it. But can we still deck the halls?

  • anonymous

    I used to lick the church pews– when I was four or five. The flavor– it repulsed and delighted, simultaneously. There are better parts of worship now, but those pews were the highlight when I was kid!

  • Nic

    We had similar sign posted in the girls bathrooms at my high school. See girls started kissing the mirrors to blot their lipstick and it was a Marilyn Monroe moment to leave a lip print. But as the mirrors got cleaned each night, the girls started kissing the walls to make a more permanent kiss. (Apparently no one washed the walls on a regular basis) totally gross. So while there’s the explanation, I agree that it still makes no sense what-so-ever. Underdeveloped brains indeed.

  • I have taught in middle schools since 1991. NOTHING surprises me. We’ve not had a rash if wall licking this year, though hall surfing is popular. . .you lie on one side and sort of push off from wall to wall back and forth. Also my 8th boys decided that since we are enforcing the “no pajama pants at school” rule, they would come up with something fashionable that had no contrary rule attached to it. Thus, Fridays have become ” shorts with cowboy boots” day in our Jr.. High. Seriously good look. Beats pajama pants any day. And wall licking.

  • SillyMe

    so I’m guessing that the next sign posted everywhere will read:
    “Please Do Not Steal This Sign”