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Three True Things


1) My new life motto is green and to the left. I am doing it right now. YOU SHOULD DO THIS MOTTO. It is delicious.

2) Because you, Oh Best of All Possible Beloveds, are beautiful, I got SO MANY OFFERS TO BE MY NEW BEST FRIEND. Fully thirty human beings offered via comments and emails and the Tweeters to let me come over and watch Game of Thrones at your house.

Most of you were perfectly safe in applying because you could be all, “Of course, I live in Alaska and I raise wolves specifically trained to eat novelists, but I DO have HBO and by the way the season premier was AWESOME, sorry you missed it.” But you DID invite me, and it made me feel good. Because I am a weirdo.

I did actually get a really GREAT NBF offer from a fellow Decaturite whose dog is NOT scary or a wolf. Whose dog is, in fact, A Boston Terrier, which, I LOVE THOSE SILLY SMASHED IN FACE DOGS!
DIGRESSION: Lydia Netzer has one named Leroy who NURSES On people’s arms. Last book tour, I stayed at her house and she gave me Leroy as a loaner dog to sleep with. He relentlessly suckled my forearms, and I relentlessly allowed it; by the time I went home I had DOG HICKEYS the size of salad plates on both arms.

It was an absolutely sincere and kindly and welcoming NBF offer (VERY Decatur) and I was going to take her up on it but when I told Scott he said it was fine and I could go and it was FINE, I should GO. He said it a lot of times, reiterating exactly how FINE it was, and how happy for me he was, and I thought to my dim self, “OH! If the situation was reversed and he went and watched GoT without me, would I divorce him?”

Well, no.

But I might kill him in his sleep.

So in order to not be justifiably homicided in my bed I decided not to watch GoT until Scott can watch it, too. Perhaps I can swap the NBF HBO offer over to a dog walking sort of NBF, so I can glom on her black and white smashy faced thing.

This is Leroy. Whatever he just did, he feels BAD about it.

Scott and I, meanwhile, are solacing ourselves with catching up on WALKIGN DEAD (Which, after a VERY slow start to Season 2 has gotten suddenly good again) and JUSTIFIED (Which makes us talk to each other in Elmore Leanardese, calling each other Raylon, and saying things like, “Well, Raylon, Imma cook this meth, I surely am,” and here we all understand that “meth” is organic apple chicken sausage from Trader Joe’s, right?

It’s fun. It’s all fun, but OH! OH! None of them have Peter Dinklage…

3) On Easter day, I went to a Yoga class, and it was very heart openy: Shoulders back and down. Chest lifting. My yoga teacher kept saying, Peel your heart OPEN. Lift up, turn it to the light, turn it up to the sun and to all that is good, to renewal and resurrection, twist and open and let the light in.

SO I did. And as I did, an organ started plating over the chant songs with bells. An ORGAN. In my head.

And I realized that at church that day, we sung one of the oldest and most CLASSIC hymns, ODE TO JOY, which is BEETHOVEN ya’ll. Not some dirty-footed hippie with a sitar, okay? FREAKING BEETHOVAN, with lyrics penned in 1907 by Henry van Dyke, a Princeton man known for writing the Presbyterian BOOK OF COMMON PRAYER so, one can assume, not a frequenter of LuluLemon, and yet! AND YET! here is what he wrote and here is what I sang:

Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee,
God of glory, God of love;
Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee,
Opening to sun above.

There was an internal melding, kinda like what is happening below, except assume Jesus is chocolate, assume yoga is peanut butter, and assume no one is wearing such blasphemously UGLY pants.

It was a neat Easter, letting go of any separation of church of yoga, and Yoga, for me, this last year especially, has become decidedly SO MUCH MORE than a work-out. It is about learning to “be still and know that I am God,” about the kind of prayer that has less to do with me opening my BIG YAP AND WHINING AND ASKING AND RAGING AND DEMANDING, and more about trying to hear that still, small voice…

One step farther. If I have Jesus getting in all my Yoga, and my Yoga teacher telling me to take my Yoga off the mat and into every moment of my life…

Expressly against the wishes of myself and all here, I seem to be relentlessly, relentlessly growing as a person—soon I will have to have a GaaP CATAGORY! MADNESS!—trying to learn to let that that chocolate and that peanut butter get all up into everything, trying to be kinder and quieter and more accepting, things so not in my PETTY JEALOUS LOOKATME wheelhouse, letting go, and all the while, and all the while, keeping calm, and eating avocados.

Now, YOU tell me one true thing. Or tell me three, as you like. I’m easy, baby. Just like Sunday Morning.

22 comments to Three True Things

  • I’m teaching a class in about half an hour. It’s a class on novel writing and it was developed by Lydia Netzer. I write and write and write, but I’m no novelist. I’m scared. I’m nervous. I can’t find the reward badges I purchased three weeks ago. I just got lunch on my shirt.

    So far? Things do not look promising. I’m hoping these kids I don’t know are really something else and can carry this while I fumble my way through teaching a class on something I am not an expert in.

  • *in which I am not an expert. ((CRAP))

  • Here are my true things.

    1. I have declined to go to three different church events (ladies retreat, Bible bowl, and lingerie shower) in the past two weeks because I am trying to be kinder to myself. I am also still working on the whole “guilt of saying no” item that plagues my life as a southern woman.

    2. Today, I wrote a love letter to my husband of twenty years. I most certainly did. ‘Twas full of things I love about him and the life we’ve managed to cobble together (thanks to letting Jesus all up in everything as you so aptly put it) and how I’m glad I get to spend it with him and his quirks and his progeny.

    3. I have NOT eaten green today. Not at all. And I MISS yoga. You make me miss it more. I live in a teeny-tiny town (really 15 miles outside of it), and the ONE YOGA GAL that was in it packed up shop about two years ago. I miss her. And I miss yoga. It’s not the same doing it on your own. I want someone telling my body what to do so my brain can float.

  • The only true thing that I can think of is that I must run. Running is the great equalizer of everything else bad going on in my life. And I have an injured foot that is going to take months to heal, therefore I’m in a dark place. I need to tie a rope around something else in the meantime…

    I’m pretty sure it won’t be green.

  • Heather

    We are currently rationing out Justified Season 3, we love it so and will be so sad when it’s done and we have to wait for the Season 4 DVD release. Am I a jerk if I tell you one true thing, that it’s Raylan? It’s a very East Kentucky name that pops up in my family tree. I plan to teach my child to say “Hello, Daddy” the same way Boyd does in Season 1.

  • 3 True Things:

    First: I do not have HBO, but my daughter @ Emory does, and she invited a slew of people over for a GoT event and did NOT invite her father. She will be disowned.

    2): Do not, and I cannot emphasize this enough, DO NOT stay up all trying to catch the last few hours of Comcast’s catch up week binging on the first season of GoT which you haven’t seen but felt you must b/c everybody at your Easter brunch (40+ in my house. Did I mention in my house?) was talking about it.

    c): Oh yeah. Don’t have 40+ people in your house for Easter brunch. I don’t care how nice they are and how many fine adult beverages (many quite specialized) they bring (we’re Episcopalians, yo). It will make you too fatigued to binge on the Comcast cable catch up week first season of GoT before it expires and you don’t get to see what happens to Ned Stark because even the toothpicks from the little green melon balls wrapped in prosciutto won’t hold them open.

    Bonus: HBO is evil because they make me want to get it for myself.

  • One true thing: when your hairdresser says, “Let’s color your hair with this new truly arson-inspiring color that I’ve named ‘Girl on Fire,'” you say, “Yes, ma’am.” You will not be sorry.

  • My current One True Thing is that trying to buy a house and sell a condo simultaneously while in the midst of your busiest time of the year at work (with two out-of-town work trips coming up in the next 4 weeks) and 2 dogs, a husband and a 5-month-old to take care of makes you VERY TIRED. And way behind on all of your internet loves as well as your housekeeping duties. (Oh, let’s be honest – I’d be way behind on my housekeeping duties anyway…)

  • Fran

    My one true thing was overheard by me. It was said by an elderly black man at the VA hospital. A younger dude asked him, “But how will I know if it’s true love?” and the older gentleman said, “Son, if you have to ask if it is, it ain’t. And you’ll know when it is because you’ll wake up one morning smack in the middle of it.”

    And he was right.

  • Here are three true things:

    1. I have a silver ring that says “be still” on the outside part, and then engraved on the inside it says “and know that I am God.” My sister gave it to me after my husband died and I love it because it helps me quiet myself when I most need it.

    2. I started a blog and it’s not that I didn’t have respect for you and your honesty here (and for my other favoritest blogger, Mir) but I have so much more NOW because it is hard to put yourself out there.

    3. I am so glad that I have put myself out there. It is hard and painful and heart-wrenching to open up your heart to people, but it is the only way. I too am growing as a person. dernit.

  • Corey

    A.V.O.C.A.D.O. That is the one true meth. I had to own up to this addiction when I (again) took guacamole to a potluck and a friend recounted at least 4 other ways I’ve presented avocado treats with the same group of people in the past year.

    Just because I admit having this problem, do I really have to remediate it? pleasesayno

  • JenniferG

    I do not have a one true thing to share, but oh, this post was beautiful thing! THANK YOU! I did get all weepy at “be still and know that I am God” – THAT is what you do when you’ve got nothing left – just BE STILL.

  • I have a fourth thing. The other night, I had red curry with avocado at a little Thai restaurant and it was SUBLIME.

  • Kate

    One True Thing: I know you hate it, but I secretly love, love, love when you GaaP. And “PETTY JEALOUS LOOKATME”-ME is pettily jealous that you have these wonderful opportunities to grow and I do not. =(

    (I probably do. I’ve probably just been good at avoiding them.)

  • Gail

    My one true thing is that I generally have no patience for the spiritual babble in yoga. Maybe it’s because I’m not religious or spiritual, but when I do yoga videos, I tend to fast-forward through the part about breathing deeply and being mindful and stating your intention and all that. I’m like, when are we getting to the actual exercise part? Given my impatience and capacity to worry about every single thing, I probably shouldn’t be skipping those parts… But I refuse to grow as a person. I guess I prefer petting cats to spiritual yoga for stress relief.

  • Jessica (the celt)

    True things? Here goes honesty:

    1. I’m supposed to be working on creating a database and writing a description of the standards I used. Thus, I am procrastinating by writing to you instead.

    2. I have never heard of crunchy peanut butter Reese’s.

    3. I need to GaaP more. I look at how I was even five to ten years ago, and I was fearless. Where did that person go? How did I S[hrink]aaP? I think [know] part of it is that I need to let Jesus get all up in my life again, as you so wonderfully put it, because I’ve been so busy “living” that I’ve forgotten about life.

  • edj

    1. I have never done yoga. I am afraid. I will do pilates though. Does that count?
    2. I spent the day trying to quiet my mind, until I had to go to a mtg about 3-ish. It was very very good. Until about 3:30ish.
    3. Avocadoes. Mmmm. When we lived in Morocco there was a huge avocado tree in our front yard. And even when the tree wasn’t producing, they were oh-so-cheap at the store. Mmmm. I adore them. Will buy some tomorrow, even though they aren’t nearly so cheap in Oregon, where I live now.

  • Ruth

    1. I started doing Pilates about a month ago, and all the core exercises and stretching and emphasis on posture and breathing have made me such a total badass that the young punks in my neighborhood clear the sidewalk when this 50-year-old church lady walks by. (OK, they don’t, but they should.)

    2. My best friend’s parents have avocado trees in their yard, and their dogs eat avocados off the ground and have the softest shiniest coats in the world.

    3. I brought home two sweet, friendly, adorable cats from the shelter on Monday and life immediately got 125% better.

  • I don’t know any true things today, because I’m one-foot-in-front-of-the-othering it. Again.
    I guess I know it’s true that it’s worth walking on even when you can’t see the horizon for a while.
    And I love this post.

  • I loved those yoga days, when everything just released. I need to quit being a mess of anxiety over new places and go to the Yoga Center for a class. I miss yoga.

  • liz

    I miss yoga. I’ve started a different exercise class right now, and I’m seeing physical results, but I miss the way yoga calms the hamster on a wheel that is my mind. I need to go back.

  • Mike Sullivan

    Three True Things

    1. Avocado is the ideal ingredient for the perfect Sunday breakfast or brunch should you have over slept.
    Ingredients:
    1 Avocado
    1 t fresh lemon juice
    coarse ground salt and pepper to taste
    3 slices whole grain bread of your choice, toasted
    1 Cup lightly packed spring greens
    Extra Virgin Olive Oil for drizzling ( controversy exists over the virginity of olive oil)
    1 T White Wine Vinegar

    Method
    Halve avocado, remove pit. Reserve pit and grow your own avocado tree if desired.
    Scoop avocado flesh into medium bowl. Add lemon juice, approximately 1/2 t. salt, and 1/4 t. pepper. Mash and stir with fork until nearly smooth, leaving small chunks of avocado. Divide avocado slices among toast slices, being a bit parsimonious to person least to your liking at the table.

    Poach the eggs to your liking. Of course you can do this in the traditional manner, dropping the eggs into boiling water into which the proper amount of vinegar has been dropped. Or you can use one of those handy dandy egg poachers with the non-stick egg cups which is just fine for me. Julia Child is gone. Sorry. Miss her.

    Carefully place poached egg on top of avocado topped toast slice. Arrange salad greens around entree. Drizzle greens with olive oil of questionable pedigree and olive oil. Splash a little olive oil on the poached egg. Grind a little more salt and pepper over the poached egg.

    Yes. I am the house chef. You may call me Jeeves. Egad. This recipe originated with Martha Stewart, not always a good thing. Forget about that. Organize your socks anyway you wish, or not.

    2. In choosing a personal trainer:
    A: Consider the wisdom of choosing one who has climbed Mount Kilimanjaro.
    B: Although said climber of Kilimanjaro passes as an Episcopalian, consider she is of Norse descent. Obtain an assurance from her that: i. she will not shoot you if you pull up lame, or ii. sacrifice you to Odin if you do not meet expectations.

    3. Regarding the consequences of behavior in interpersonal relationships, always remember, both parties must go to sleep at sometime.

    Court Clerk, Chancellor, Jester, and Provender to the Queen of Castle Sullivan