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Silent Assumption

Let’s play Silent Assumption. If I go silent here, assume things are bad. As in, Last week, Dad was back in CCU for the bulk of it. If you notice me not blogging, and you are a you who prays, my silence is an excellent indication that it is time to throw in a word for Bob Jackson.

But oh look, here I am again. NOT silent, so assume Dad is home now and doing well, on a new cocktail of drugs that may, this time, please God, make his heart go properly on pumping his blood through all his wonderful pieces.

They put him on this experimental drug I am calling The Japanese Goat Medicine, because it is experimental, and because the doc said, “Oh, it has had great results in Japan,” and I said, “On PEOPLE? Or more like on GOATS?”

On people, but still. The label says WARNING: MAY CAUSE PREMATURE DEATH.

Oh, you don’t say. When you are taking meds like this, that “may cause premature death,” it’s a risk v/s benfit thing. You don’t snack up on some drugs that may cause premature death to fix your hangnail. I get that, and they seem to be WORKING…but.

I STILL hate the language! It makes me go, So is the hope is that they will instead cause POST-mature death? But maybe that is right. You take a dangerous drug, but it may well extend life past your expiration date. The label scares me, but I’ll tell you…my dad is who he is.

Ranger Bob, after this last stint in the CCU told me, “Well I almost gave up, because I am very tired of this, but now I have decided not to.”

My dad has decided not to die before, more than once—he decided it while deep in a bunker with two armed men determined to kill him. He decided it when he was diagnosed with fatal blood cancer over 30 years ago…and he is still here. As my brother has said, over and over since this began, “No one ever got rich betting against Bob Jackson.” My father’s heart, broken and tired and wounded as it is, is just SO very mighty.

And yes, this is a losing game. I mean, we are all on earth. NO ONE here gets out alive. But Daddy has said, “Not just yet.”

I believe him.

Look up at that picture Scott took…Do you SEE that brave (or stupid? Or brilliant glass-understanding, or unaware) little bird in the feeder? Does he not SEE Mango? Or is he like, MEH THAT CAT HAS BEEN TRYING TO GET ME THROUGH THIS GLASS FOR WEEKS NOW TO NO AVAIL. MIGHT AS WELL GORGE MYSELF and be happy. *BURP*

Me, too, Bird. No cats here.

27 comments to Silent Assumption

  • Liz

    Big stinkin’ hugs to you and the whole family. (Not actually stinking. I did shower today.)

  • Dads with big hearts. Those of us lucky enough to have that combination can laugh at the cat behind the glass, no matter what happens. Blessings to all.

  • Kathy

    Prayers for strength of heart and peace for your soul going out.

  • I have been thinking of you for two reasons. First, assumption made and good thoughts sent. Second, I ordered your first three books, and the only problem is that I’m reading them too quickly! The third one is going “swimmingly” although I’m trying to stretch it out a bit. Need to order more….In the meantime, continued good thoughts sent.

  • Tracey

    Prayers and hugs. Remember…the warning labels are the lawyers talking. Try not to be too afraid.

  • Jill W.

    Gah. I did assume and did pray, but hoped I was wrong. I am sorry that you and your family are goign through this. I know how hard it is. My dad is 7 years out from a double lung transplant, and he is having a lot of issues they can’t figure out. I am worried that we are at the end of the extended time the transplant gave us. So we could use a few of those prayers ourselves. But anyway, this is just to say I know what you are going through and here’s to the wonderful daddies of the world.

  • We could all learn a lot from your dad’s determination to live and to be the master of his own fate.

  • GIANT <3 and GIANT {HUG}

  • DebR

    In Silent Assumption World I was worried that the Bad was even worse than the Bad actually is (or hopefully **was**) so I am relieved to see the update. Sending good thoughts to your dad, you and your family~~~~~~~~

  • Jan

    The world was built on “not just yet.”

    I did wonder, and I sent silent thoughts. Won’t stop, either.

  • edj

    When we lived in Mauritania, I had to take a kind of medicine several different times, and one of the potential side effects was “spontaneous rupture of the Achilles tendon.” That always freaked me out. Whenever I was on the meds, I could sort of feel (read: imagine) my Achilles tendons becoming sort of spongy and ready to spontaneously rupture. I had to walk up through the soft sand to my kids’ school 4 times a day to drop off/collect them, and I always pictured collapsing onto the ground while crowds of people gathered to stare. This isn’t exactly connected, but the “premature death” bit sent my mind down this rabbit trail, which I deemed interesting enough to share. Hope I was right.
    Sigh.
    I will from now on assume when things are silent that i should pray. Hang in there. Life is not for the faint-hearted.

  • Without ever having met you Daddy, I now see all kinds of you in him. God bless him.

  • Have been assuming (in spite of what Oscar/Felix told us about assuming) … and praying. Your daddy sounds amazing – and I think you are doing SO WELL in a scary time. I hope when I reach this stage of my Dad’s life, I can follow your example.

    I am also (now) praying for Jill W.’s daddy too. Seems to me, we with elderly parents must pray … to help each of us feel more connected and stronger – with a group of “our people” out there – helping us be strong and listening to us/sending us strength when we get scared.

    <3 and {{{hugs}}} to all

  • Aimee

    Like DebR, I am relieved that it’s not worse but I was sending out prayers and will continue to do so, both for the mighty Bob Jackson and for Jill W’s dad, too.

  • Aparatchick

    Sigh. I had kind of made that assumption; you and your family have been in my thoughts. I’ll be adding Jill W.’s family and all those who are facing similar situations. Thinking good thoughts for you all.

  • Jessica (the celt)

    edj: I’ve taken an antibiotic that could cause spontaneous Achilles tendon rupture several times. The insert was so helpful to inform me that this could happen at any point in time, even months after I had stopped taking said medicine. Since I have Achilles tendon issues anyway, I know completely what you mean by feeling the tendon go all wonky (even if it were just in my imagination). Scary.

    Joss, I am the praying sort, so I will be continuing to keep you and your family in them. I am definitely not betting against Bob Jackson. (I’m not rich either, but I’ll still keep betting for him even though it isn’t making me money. ;~) )

  • Brigitte

    I made the assumption too, and feared it might be even worse. Glad I lost THAT “bet!” But my thoughts will continue to be with you and your family.

  • Michelle

    I always send good thoughts your way whenever you take an extended break from FTK. I’m not the praying sort, but I do believe in karma and the power of positive
    thinking. So I’m thinking positively that Bob Jackson is not done yet and will be around to love on his wonderful family for many years to come.

  • Stephanie

    Sending out positive thoughts and prayers for Ranger Bob. And for you.

  • Leslie Noon

    Screw it! I have decided to assume that when you go quiet you are having a great time, visiting with your parents and soaking up all sorts of terrific wisdom and laughter. Looks to me like Bob Jackson has a lot to share and I am going to assume that you are the recipient. As my dog says, “It’s now! I love now!”

  • I thought of you and Mango earlier in the week, My cat, Hocus, brought a dead bird into the kitchen, because my boys opened the door and instead of making the bird-killer stay outside with his prize, they LET HIM IN THE HOUSE so he could toss his birdie prize around the kitchen, chasing its corpse and scattering feathers. Oy.

    Yay for experimental meds working. My dad was taking a med that had to be ordered from Australia for a while. I’m glad your dad is home and doing better.

  • myra fabian

    Your daddy is on my prayer board at the store. He and your mom are just so sweet to me when I see them.

    God’s peace be with you, too, Joshilyn.

  • I was going to say “Yay, you and f the cats!” But then all your comment people who are praying for your daddy left me weepy.
    Me too. I’m praying too. Even when you’re not disappeared.

  • I know all about Mighty Daddies who hang onto Life with their Mightiness–their sheer, determined, cussedness and stubborn will. I am glad yours is doing that. And I am glad that you are back. And I am praying for all of you. Here’s hoping Mango stays behind the glass for the time being–both literally AND figuratively.

  • kristen

    Sending so much love and light and strength and healing! Wrapping all of you in giant hugs!

  • Ruth

    Like others, I had already made the silent assumption and have been praying.

    I always read the whole finely printed insert that describes hideous maladies that could result from taking a drug that is supposed to make you better. It always provokes something akin to the “Screw this! I’m gonna live!” reaction that Kaylee has in “Serenity.” Except the motivation isn’t getting to have sex with a cute doctor so much as it’s not coming down with weeping sores or whatever.

  • ::HUGS:: SO many hugs, Joss. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Good thoughts to your dad and whole family.