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Fun and Weepsies

A sadly PARTIAL LIST of everything that has made me ugly-cry publicly for the last two weeks:

In Sunday school we were discussing Eli, who raised just GODAWFUL sons, but I defended him, saying, “Hannah took Samuel to live in the temple when he weaned, so at most the kid was four, which means Eli pretty much raised him and it’s obvious that *snuffle* Eli was *snork* a good, good father *tear spurt* to SAAAAAAMMMUELLL WAHHHHHHHH.”

Full Wheel (although I weep so often in hot yoga it is hardly worth mentioning.)

When I went to the parking deck at the hospital and got confused and stopped to read a sign explaining the sections and did not hear the car come up behind me until a lady jumped out and screamed at me to move my *^#^@)#ing car.

In SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK, the scene where it clicks, and all at once he knows, and you see him knowing, in his face, in his eyes. He KNOWS, and it changes nothing. It changes NOTHING. (Go see this film)

I was SO tired, and I thought some endorphins would help, so I walked over to the YMCA to paddle the elliptical. All my water bottles were in the dishwasher, so I took a dollar for the water machine, but I went in…I inexplicably put my dollar in the chip machine instead. Which, what? Then I mashed the return button and the chip machine would not give my dollar back, so I stood there and wept at it and wept at it and mashed the button and wept. The machine was unmoved.

Camel Pose (although I weep so often in hot yoga it is hardly worth mentioning.)

A fat, fat baby in the famers market smiled at me all gummy and pink, like that MANIAC smile where he hadn’t QUITE learned to control his face muscles yet and the smile was just so GOONY and sincere.

The children’s choir sang Joy to the World.

At the YMCA, as I stood there helplessly weeping at the machine, a lady come up and said, “What’s the matter?,” and I said, “I MEANT TO GET WATER BUT I INEXPLICABLY PUT MY DOLLAR IN THE CHIP MACHINE AND NOW I CAN’T HAVE WATER AND WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT FRITOS TO WORK OUT WITH THEY ARE SALTY! THEY ARE SALTY!” She blinked at me twice, assessing my fragile mental state, and then gave me a kind, kind look and handed me a dollar. SO then I wept on her. And made her pick chips from the chip machine to have.

This picture of an animal, emailed to me in an endlessly forwarded chain of a string of 90 photos to “put a smile on my face,” but this one—Oh, I just wept. He is so feckless and delighted, in his daisy. He has no idea, no idea that he is mortal. No idea at all.

21 comments to Fun and Weepsies

  • laurel

    Jeremiah was a Bullfrog.

  • I do not know why God let our best people be mortal. It makes no sense. I am crying now too.

  • Melody

    I was laughing at your craziness until you put the mortal part in, and then I cried. My neighbor rang my door bell two days ago. I answered and said, “Oh, I thought my cat was dead and you were bringing it to me. He’s missing! I need a hug.” KRAZY! I told this to my husband, and he said “Are you PMSing?” “YES, HOW DID YOU KNOW?” I called my neighbor to tell her that my cat came home and is fine and that I am sorry for the crazy, she understood because she too is PMSing. I hope that you are just emotional and nothing else.

  • That lady with the dollar was very, very nice. I hope those were the best chips she ever had in her entire life. I am glad you took her dollar.

  • Yeah, I was rolling with it and feeling empathy because I have these kinds of weeks (this week is getting close, depending on how the meeting with the principal goes this morning, ahem) until the happy rodent in the daisy. It just crushed my heart. Crying over Fritos is a totally valid reason also. Perhaps if I keep all this in my mind, tears will come at will this morning and I can prevent my son from being suspended or expelled or whatever with the sympathy vote.

  • Melissa

    You are feeling exactly as you should. I would and do cry at each of these things, not only when I see/hear them, but even when I think about it afterwards. And you have big stress in life. Sometimes tears spill over.

  • The comments are making me CRY! So I’m changing the subject. That movie looks GREAT!

    PS. **HUGS**

  • Jan in Norman, OK

    “Tis the season….

  • Elizabeth

    Haven’t we all been there at some time or another? Or will be there at some time or another? I cried on my physical therapist because I still had swelling 4 weeks after surgery. (I’m a medical professional and know that I should have swelling 4 weeks after foot surgery. )

  • There are times when the tears have to come, and often it’s when it is most inconvenient and embarassing. May more angels with dollars appear when you need them most ~

  • Lulu

    I dunno, maybe he does know he’s mortal and that makes enjoying the flower all that much sweeter, more fun, and more significant.

    Wishing you much love and comfort, honey, not to mention giant boxes of tissues and big sunglasses.

  • liz

    Wishing you love, comfort, chocolate, and good scotch.

  • You sound like me lately. I’m sorry. Maybe I’m contagious.

  • Jessica (the celt)

    Sometimes I cry at nothing in particular, so it’s nice to have a list of things to blame. I need to do this in the future.

    I had realizing other people are mortal. I don’t care that I am mortal, but why do our animals and loved ones have to be mortal, too?

  • Jessica (the celt)

    *hate* realizing, that is. Not “had.”

    (I’m just going to go in the corner, not writing anything, and worry about things I can’t change. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m going to worry about all the things I can’t change even if I’m not in the corner, so I’ll just be lying on the couch instead.)

  • Em

    I once cried at the theme song to Family Ties so you’ll get no judgement from me. I know you are stressed. I hope the things stressing you improve. And to avoid accidentally having called your very dad a “thing that stresses you”, I separately wish him well and a speedy recovery.

  • Melissa (not grown up kind of pretty Melissa)

    December makes me cry. It starts in November. A pre this-is-going-to-be-ugly, but fight it anyway cry. Three weeks to the new year and we can all be hopeful again. I think the mouse in the daisy was about to sneeze or fart…maybe both. Now that’s joy.

  • Melissa (not grown up kind of pretty Melissa)

    But seriously, I don’t care about the goofy dance. Where was this pink socks thing going???? Is it a miniseries by now? You must be under serious pressure to pull it off gracefully, which for you grace comes with a few edges. That’s why I can’t quit reading and recommending your nutty books! And airport gypsy!!!! Brilliant!!!! I want more of THAT!

  • Brigitte

    I know I’m an extra-bruised and delicate flower when some episode of “My Little Pony” makes me cry. I recommend finding some time to be alone with some chocolate, a box of tissue, and the most tear-jerkingest movie you can find.

  • You (and your family) have been in my thoughts since I read this post.

    Today 12/11 I stumbled upon this mention of you – and thought it might make you smile.:)

    http://www.fussy.org/2012/12/and-books-about-war-the-elderly-love-war.html

    For more reasons than she’s a librarian AND she likes your book.

  • Joshilyn, I’ve been reading your blog (and books!) for years and I don’t think I’ve ever commented. However, having just read what your family is going through I have to now.

    My dad once had to have bypass surgery; he went in for a triple, and when the doctors were checking out his heart in the OR, they realized he needed a QUINTUPLE bypass instead. That was over 8 years ago, and he is just as a delightfully cranky old man as he was before (I am saying that will all the love in my heart for the dear man, I promise!). The ONLY thing that has changed in him since then is that he is a lot more open about his emotions and more prone to being emotional than before the surgery, which his healthcare team tell me is a completely normal side effect of the surgery. I know how hard it is to take care of a sick parent and the parent who is taking care of that sick parent. Hang in there and know that your amazing support network will help you through this!

    Also, I totally get the crying thing – my mother is set to have surgery next week to get rid of cancer, and I broke down at my front door last night because my car key wouldn’t open up my house. And because my boss found a typo in an otherwise perfect document. And because my cat looked just so darn cute asleep. It strikes at inconvenient times, but is cathartic… I’d much rather cry than explode, which seems to be the other option!