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The Evidence Against Me

It looked a lot like this cookie. Or this cookie's grandmother. Whatever. Click pic for recipe.


Sitting in carpool today, I decided to clean out my glove compartment. Inside, I found a little waxy paper bakery envelope containing a cookie. It was a WHOLE cookie, though some edges had crumbled.

It was a small artisan fancy cream colored grown up sort of cookie. An adult cookie. It seemed…Frenchish, in that I suspected it would be lightly sweet and would have had, before it aged, a velvety texture.

It smelled faintly of lavender and butter, but the cream inside had definately hardened.

This cookie, of unknown age and origin, had no visible molds or defects. It seemed to have small specks of nuts and perhaps candied violet petals in the cream, and was uneven in that way that bespeaks handcrafted care.

It seemed like a cookie that, in it’s prime, would have cost three dollars, maybe more, even though it was barely more than a couple of respectable bites. It was, in circumference, less than Oreo sized, but with the sandwich portions of it being taller, like a shortbread.

Reader, I married it.

Okay no. I didn’t. I did not marry it.

Worse. LOOK IT WAS A LONG HOT CARPOOL AND I WAS BORED AND I WONDERED IF IT WAS STILL “GOOD.”

That’s not true. Honestly? I didn’t even AGONIZE. I didn’t even consider. I FOUND it, examined it, said, “Hmmm,” and then, not even FOUR respectable seconds later….

Reader, I ate it.

Reader? I am not even remotely sorry. (Unless it was secretly so rotten that it kills me or gives me food poisoning. Then I am.)

Let he or she who is without sin cast the first of THEIR righteously rejected glove compartment hard-as-rocks cookies. Or no, don’t.

I’ll likely pick ‘em up and eat them, too.

23 comments to The Evidence Against Me

  • Laume

    Sounds like it was a macaron, or variation thereof, and rightfully should be eaten, regardless of vintage. I think you acted rightly.

  • Laume

    I think I need to use the word “right” one more time, three being a more flamboyant duplicity than twice, thus more in keeping with the mood of your post. I feel righteous about this point.

  • How many clicks does it take to identify said cookie whilst on the phone? Just 2. Is that pathetic?

  • As long as no teeth are broken, it was fresh enough.

  • Fran

    Of course you ate it! There are (probably) responsible adults who would have piously thrown it away. I know I am not one of them, and it’s great to know I’m in such excellent company!

  • No matter how bad my Mondays can be, your blog cracks me up!
    Thank you Joshilyn for being yourself & making me laugh! (Laughing with, not at)

  • Melissa

    Well, yeah. It was still in its wrapper, so you were completely within your rights. I’m impressed you looked at it long enough to give such a detailed description.

  • Lori B.

    I would have eaten that sucker as well. And Laume, the writing curriculum I use to teach homeschool children to write says “thrice but never twice” so you are all good :)

  • Reine

    Wish I had one.

  • Robin

    That was great! So glad it wasn’t gum. I always have a huge guilt complex during October. All of those tiny wrappers that I tuck into the console damning me to the knowledge that I have a) taken candy from my son’s halloween stash and b)eaten way to many snack candies that now will equal out to 200 large mongo sized candy bars.

  • Aimee

    Yes, indeed, that sounds like a macaron. Yum! That is a high class, high quality cookie, and even stale, should not be wasted.

    Macarons make me think of “Blame it on Paris,” which I found because of your 3Q with Laura Florand and is a book that I love.

  • I’ve picked dirt specks off edible things in the bottom of my purse in a pinch and popped them in my mouth. Hey, it’s my purse and I basically know where its been. So judgement here.

  • Not dirty? Check. Not smelly or moldy? (WHY WON’T IT LET ME PRETENTIOUSLY SPELL ‘MOLDY’ M-O-U-L-D-Y. /sigh) Check. Seems legit.

  • Katherine

    As long as it wasn’t moldy or rock hard, why not (says the woman who ate wedding cake for TEN years on our anniversary – pound cake freezes well and the caterer WAY overestimated how much cake would be needed).

  • jeanette in peculiar

    In an effort to be less wasteful with food, we have adopted a new method of determining Edibile vs. Toss it….. We ask “Would Lewis and Clark have eaten it?” Based on that criteria, I assure you that you absolutely did the right thing in eating that cookie. Lewis and/or Clark would have committed unthinkable acts in exchange for the pleasure of finding that cookie in their glove box. (It was cold, they had to have gloves…surely they had a box they kept them in, right?)

  • Cherie

    I have dogs. I feed them only the finest treats for training. Like freeze dried cheese and peanut butter oatmeal molasses training treats. I have walked into the chic doggie boutiques and caught the staff, at Christmas, snacking on the Wet Noses brand gingerbread flavored bisquits with their Starbucks beverages. And yes, in traffic, on days when lunch has not offered itself up on a mobile, tasty platter, I have munched freeze dried cheese.

    At least yours was at one time actually intended for humans. You think.

  • Kim

    Well, dang it, was it good? LOL

  • Oh, girl. I am SO with you. You don’t call us Best Beloveds for nothin’ ya know. :)

  • From the bottom of my envious heart: good for you! With every cell of my body (that falls asleep if I have sugar) I approve of your actions. Now drive to the shops and get yourself another one!

  • Sarah

    I wonder …. have you ever found a fried-egg-on-english-muffin sandwich in similar circumstances? (Probably with a smear of raspberry jam?)

    I ask only because once, about 4 years ago, in a state of report-card-writing-induced-exhaustion I sat down to a (late) dinner on my way home from work, and realized that I not only had skipped lunch, but FORGOT to eat my breakfast. Evidence on the stove indicated that I had cooked a breakfast, and upon reflection I remember wrapping it in a paper towel and tucking it into my coat pocket ( teachers carry far too much with us to have a free hand for something as trivial as breakfast).

    It was 12 hours later that I realized I’d completely forgotten the most important breakfast step. But, terrifyingly, there was no sandwich in my pocket. I like to think that a small wormhole transported it to someone in need of breakfast, but to this day I am haunted by the thought that I might have a hidden sandwich waiting and rotting in an unworn coat.

  • DebR

    So how was it???

  • Jan in Norman, OK

    Maybe something like this (minus the purple food paste): http://inspiringtheeveryday.com/2011/04/08/lavender-french-macarons/

  • LaurieB

    I guess I can leave the name of a real place. Any cookie from Henri’s Bakery found homeless in my car, from any point in time, need not plan on a tomorrow. I understand the entire cookie mojo, it worked against your will…and it won.