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Hip. Trip. The New PA.

HIP: I injured my sacroilliac joint.

This is the joint that connects your leg to your butt and lets you swing said leg all about.

It is apparently a VERY IMPORTANT joint to have healthy if you want to do stuff like SIT or WALK or NOT BE IN AGONY.

Actual grumpy dialog that happened yesterday:

Lydia: You borked your sacroiliac joint? How did you do that?!

Me: I sat down in a chair. Yes, I did. It is a dangerous sport, sitting down in chairs, but I am a devil may care type. I’ll do anything for that adrenaline high, you know? I have to catch that wave of ecstasy that sitting down in chairs gives me, and I have to ride, ride, ride it .

Lydia: I’m dizzy just thinking about it.

Me: You wish you were me.

Actually it is probably because I spent my teens and early 20’s falling off horses, so there is some weakness there, and I sat in the exact wrong chair exactly WRONG. I am grumpy because I can’t do yoga. I have only been practicing regularly for a little over a year, but now I am VERY IMPOSSIBLE TO LIVE WITH when I can’t do yoga, we have all discovered.

I tried to go to Yoga yesterday and ended up just lying on the mat and feeling SORREEE FOR MEEEEE while everyone else got their sweat-n-med on.

TRIP: I fly to South Dakota tomorrow and plan to gimp around peering blearily at a state I have never visited while talking about the maddening craft of writing and A GROWN-UP KIND OF PRETTY to Dakoteritess? Dakotaners? Dakotians.

BECAUSE IT IS FRESH OUT IN PAPERBACK DID I TELL YOU? I may have mentioned. ANYWAY, Today’s AGUKOP link is to SHE KNOWS, where it is a September book pick. Booyah!

THE NEW PA: If you follow me on The Tweeter or drop by my facebook, you have seen pictures of my new personal assistant. He is named Mango.

He is our only cat. RIP, He Who Must Not Be Named. Yeah, I know. A lot of you liked him, vicariously. I’m sorry to tell you, and I am mostly sad for Sam. You know my feelings toward him were mixed at best. But yeah…Sam really dug him, and he dug Sam right back.

The phantom poohead smells may well have been harbingers. There were other signs, but because Bog and I were never close, I missed them. For example, when Karen was here, we took to sitting on the siofa near the laundry room (cat box territory). This sofa is DOG territory. I never sit there. When she and I were chatting, we more than once GROKKED A WRONGNESS in our smellingparts. I would call Sam to attend to the box, and he would say, GEEZ MOM I JUST DID THAT, but I assumed that was teenageryness answering, and “just” meant “four days ago.”

But no, it meant JUST, and it also meant intestinal lymphoma. Make no mistake, this was a genuinely awful cat: demon infested, snotty, psychotic. But he was an efficient and ruthless murderer of house-vermin…and he was a good friend to my oldest kid. It’s the Sam parts of his resume that MAY just squeak him into heaven.

A house with no cat is a sad place. Hence, Mango. He has been here less than a week and has already claimed the built in desk in the office as his territory. I thought it was for working on, but I am foolish. He stands in front of my monitor when I am writing and informs me that, ahem, I should be petting the cat.

He sleeps next to me on the open pages of my Sacred Paper Calendar, and he has magic CALENDAR READING SKIN. He can FEEL through his skin when petting-the-cat time is scheduled. He also drools a little.

He is not as helpful a personal assistant as you might think, EVEN THOUGH HE REACHES DOWN WITH ONE FOOT AND HELPS ME TYPE, but I think he is going to be an excellent cat.

Tomorrow: THE MANGO REPORT, or, How My Family Fell For a Puffball on the Interwebs.

19 comments to Hip. Trip. The New PA.

  • I once partially slipped a disk by getting up out of a chair. Nasty, sneaky things, chairs are.

    Congratualtions to Mango on joining your family! Though he looks rather “who-you-lookin-at-don’t-take-my-picture” in the phot – maybe he didn’t realize interwebs fame came with adoption into your tribe?

  • I’m sorry about Boggart. Mango looks like fantastic assistant, particularly in the stress-relief area, aka petting-the-cat time. The name reminded me of a children’s book, “A Mango Shaped Space.” If you’re looking for Maisy-recommendations, this could be a good one. Just know that their Mango cat has health issues.

  • I am a little sorry to hear about The Cat Who Must Not Be Named, but only a little. NEW cat sounds like a good cat. I hope he remains so.

  • Sorry to hear about Cat Who Must Not Be Named, in part for Sam, because their is something very special about a pet who loves you bestest. But Mango looks to provide some excellent cat fur for the whole family to share. And hope that hip thingy heals up fast.

  • And we’re all just going to pretend I didn’t confuse my there/their up there, aren’t we?

  • DebR

    I’m sorry about your hip joint. Ugh. I hope it gets better soon. I once totally threw out my back by picking up a piece of paper off the floor so I totally get the daredevil thing. We wild women lead dangerous lives.

    I’m also sorry about Boggart. I know he was a horrible cat, but I had this no doubt overly-optimistic hope that he would improve as he got old and senile and forgot to be mean and demon-infested and now we’ll never know. But mostly I’m sorry because Sam has to be sad about Boggart.

    Mango is seriously gorgeous. I hope he turns out to be a GUD C4T. (Did I get that right? Probably not. Heh.)

  • Kathy

    I have a cat (Mouse by name)who has the whole “no, no I insist! It IS cat petting time” thing going on. When that time comes it doesn’t matter what you are doing the petting thing is the only important thing. Sorry about Boggart. Even losing a mostly evil member of the family is hard. Mango is purty!

  • Beth R

    Welcome to the world of the borked sacroiliac joint – it’s a hip place to be!

    (limps cackling into the night)

  • Our lovely cat, Hocus, has given up using his litterbox. He wants to go outside, like the dog. This could be okay, but for the times he can’t get outside. Like, when we are all asleep, or not home, or not psychically aware of his pressing need to urinate. In those cases, he chooses a room with cloth on the floor and pees on said cloth. In other words, either the 10-year-old sensory-sensitive child is suddenly overwhelmed by the scent of cat pee and the disaster he needs to clean up or the teen, Girlchild, who can’t seem to follow the “No Cat In Your Room” rule is left with the stink and the needing to mop and wash and generally clean the toilet of his majesty King Hocus.

    How do you RE train a cat to use his litterbox?

  • My sympathies to Sam for his loss. To you, congratulations! The right sort of cat can be an excellent PA.

    My mother once threw her back out by bending to spit out toothpaste. Spent the whole summer flat on her back, not even a pillow. Ow! Good luck, or rather better luck, with your joint.

  • Linda J

    I was of the same mind when my sisters snake died. I have a serious phobia. I said nothing about her loss because it was her PET (!!!?????! ew). However would it be cruel to say congratulations on your loss? I hope it was fast for him, not wanting anything to suffer but I also hope his awfulness didn’t leave you straddled with a mountain with vet bills.

    Condolences to Sam and congratulations on Mango!

  • Jessica (the celt)

    I once had a cat who would insist on cat-petting time. However, if you were not in the mood, she would get on by herself by insinuating herself under your hand and kind of rubbing her head on you anyway. She was basically forcing you to pet her, but you didn’t have to do any of the work. And she’d purr up a storm while doing it, so she obviously enjoyed it. My husband (we were just dating then) said it was like she was saying, “See? If you pet me, I’ll purr. I KNOW you want to pet me. See? See?!”

  • I throw in my very OWN hip woes here. . .except they involve pain in my hip and the bulging of three VERY low discs and the retrolisthesis of the vertebrae JUST below those discs. It is most unpleasant. I feel your pain. Literally.

    That being said, now that the misogynistic version of Boggart is laid to rest, I will just choose to remember him as the cute orange kitty that suckled your earlobes before he hit feline puberty and became obnoxious. Mango looks incredibly soft to pet and has the perfect name for his color. No doubt he will soon need a playmate. What do the doggies think of him? Is Ansley affronted by his maleness. Does Bagel FORGET that there is a new cat due to his Bagelness?

  • Oh, I AM sorry about poohead. I complain a lot about Pee Flea but when she leaves this world I will be a little sad because, as in your house, she is the Beloved to my eldest. Mango looks like a fine cat though, and it is trying hard to be helpful and necessary to you. Hot bath and whiskey is prescribed for the hip.

  • erinanne

    So sorry about Boggart. That devil near your lady parts looks fairly awful as well.

    I hope Mango continues to acclimate himself the way good cats should.

  • Mango is looooverly.
    Sorry about your hip.
    Appropriately restrained condolence-noises about Boggart.

  • Lulu

    Condolences-mixed-with-relief for the loss of HWMNBN. And congratulations on the new assistant.

    There seems to be a rash of orange kittycatcuteness going around the interwebs. I hope all the nice orange kitties aren’t taken, because now I want one. (Our last, best cat left us in early July.) I don’t know if our jealous corgi mix will deal well with somecat new. She came to us as a pup when the cat we just lost was also a kitten and they grew up together and had “an understanding.”

    And sorry for your new pain in the ass. That’s such a bummer. (Er, sorry, again.)

  • Kim

    Oh, I’m very sorry about the loss of Sam’s buddy, so hard to lose our furry friends.

    Take care of that SI Joint. Mine has been bonkers since I was a young teen and has been flaring up off and on for a couple of weeks–sitting wrong, wrong shoes, driving for too long, stepping on unlevel ground, SNEEZING for goodness sake can all contribute to a painful episode.

    Mango is a beauty, btw. 🙂

  • Aimee

    First of all, I am sorry to hear of the passing of HWMNBN, because even though he was baleful and all, I really did enjoy reading about him and I’m extra-sorry for Sam because that’s sad.

    Second of all, what IS it with the back injuries? I notice a few other people above are sharing your pain, and so am I. I have sciatica, which makes me feel like I’m 100 years old. It’s a little better now than it was a couple of weeks ago, but sitting hurts, standing hurts and lying down hurts. So as you might imagine I am hugely cheerful and a delight to spend time with right now. I hope that your personal back badness is better very, very soon.