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Sunday Dinner

It’s the last week to put your eyes to right, click on the audio cover of SHINE SHINE SHINE and hear me read the first chapter for free. It goes poof I think July 1? Via MacMillan Code Magic? NO IDEA HOW. But it might.

SO! My friend Alison told me about this contraption that basically allows you to violate a chicken corpse with an open beer can and then set it, like a head on a stake, onto a fiery grill and torture it via indirect flame-y heat for an hour and change.

We invested seven dollars in one of these oddly shaped grill accessories and test-violated a chicken yesterday evening.

Oh. Wow. If you are wondering why a person would want to do that, you have not tasted Violated Chicken. It kicks supermarket Rotisserie chicken’s unviolated chicken cavity. It is so moist and delicious and fall apart good that it’s like eating Chickeny meat butter.

This is actually MUCH nicer than it sounds.

Best part, except for the pat where we ate it in our mouths: Scott has this GRILL THERMOMETER he got off WOOT! You stick the thermometer part in the chicken, and then tell the box part (which is in the HOUSE) a temperature. When the chicken hits your target temperature, the box in the house yells, “Your FOOD is ready! Your FOOD is ready!” The box has this rich, figgy, delighted voice. The box is HAPPY that your food is ready.

We were going to try make the chicken Friday night, but I spent 9 hours at a lawyer’s office near our old house, instead.

We got over to Marietta for the closing at 10:30 am, and then MISSING PAPER DRAMA began, and we were not going to close, and then we were (!!!) MAYBE (!!!), then NOT (^&#*$), then we WERE again (!!!!) Possibly (????), then I stress ate about four thousand mini chocolate bars that closing attorneys ALL seem to keep in buckets to propitiate the bitter, distraught, exhausted people who are trying to buy and or sell homes, then we were told there was ABSOLUTELY NO WAY it could close, but we could stay and sign our side of the papers in case it DID decide to close next week, which it probably would not, and I stress ate a receptionist.

Then it closed. Go figure.

I LOVE owning one house. It makes the little birdies of my heart feel as if they had been given thirty peaceful seconds to peck at the metaphorical peanut-butter and seed coated pinecone that Maisy hung in my heart’s backyard, right before a swarm of piratical squirrels destroyed it.

In reality, the little birdies of my heart would NEVER be afforded such a luxury. My heart squirrels are every bit as piratical as the swarmy shark-like beings who ate the literal pinecone. Just ask that poor closing attorney’s receptionist. *burp*

THANK YOU FOR THE SQUIRREL ADVICE. Scott has baffled them with your suggestions. We saw an ACTUAL CARDINAL get a bite or two, and a black and white pointy bird came by, too. (Not a penguin. Some other kind.)

Now I feel bad as the squirrels go leaping at my feeder only to be baffled off to the side. Morbidly obese yard sharks need lunch, too! I think I am going to go to the DUNCRAFT SQUIRREL SUPPLY SUPERSTORE, this is a real thing that exists on google, and buy a squirrel feeder, because I secretly like watching their gluttonous antics, and if they have their own peanuts and crap, perhaps they will stop trying to beat current baffling system?

Nutshell of joy: I OWN ONLY ONE HOUSE, AND IT IS MY FAVORITE!

How was YOUR weekend?

13 comments to Sunday Dinner

  • Karen in Ohio

    Woot! For the closing, for the squirrel-proofing, and for the entertainment of feeding squirrels the stuff you want them to eat. A good week.

    Now you need to be on a low-receptionist diet, I fear.

  • DebR

    My weekend was excellent (thank you for asking) as I watched Pirate Princess Lily (one of my nieces) turn 2 1/2. She’s a Christmas Eve baby, so my sister has started the tradition of giving her a 1/2-birthday party in the summer so she has an All About Lily Day that doesn’t get lost in the general shuffle of winter holiday parties. For now she doesn’t really quite GET birthdays (although she appreciates the presents and cake and balloons) but I think-and-hope this will be a Good Thing as she gets older.

    YAAAAAY on having only one house and having it be your favorite!!!!!

    Also, the chicken looks yummy.

  • I was already enjoying this post immensely, when you hit a home run. . .

    “We saw an ACTUAL CARDINAL get a bite or two, and a black and white pointy bird came by, too. (Not a penguin. Some other kind.)”

    I was both greatly amused AND relieved to know that wild penguins are not eating seeds in Georgia. *WHEW* Still sitting here chuckling.

  • You’re getting them their OWN FEEDER!??!?!? Those squirrels are working you, girl.

  • Congrats on closing, Joshilyn. Sounds as if you all have wound up in the perfect place. But do the children have friends in Decatur? Did they mind being moved? Or are they happy because their parents are so happy?

  • My weekend was quite fab, thanks for asking. It was filled with other people’s kids and an early afternoon cookout on Saturday that lasted until my kids’ bedtime (when we took extra kids home with us for sleeping) and included and entire day of too much rum. (Dear Johnny Depp aka Capt. Jack Sparrow, I officially know why all the rum is gone. Because it is deLISHous.) So it wasn’t an especially relaxing weekend except that it was low stress and full of yummy foods and beverages and people I like and happy kids who didn’t fight. There was no drama and not enough sleep. Still fab.

    The squirrels have been foiled. You should leave them that way. They are yard rats with giant stomachs and ‘nads of steel. A little not eating would do them good. 🙂

  • edit ** and included an entire day of too much rum **

  • The squirrels are not deserving of your love Joshilyn. Turn your back on them…they will not starve. Else you will have an entire nation of squirrels living at your one home!

  • Aimee

    Congrats on owning only ONE house. That is excellent.

    My weekend was… interesting. It started off nicely, with dinner at a new Vietnamese place that just opened within walking distance of my apartment. Shrimp Pho = win. But then it middled with running water above our closet, and then a flood in our bathroom, closet AND bedroom thanks to upstairs neighbor’s toilet tank continuing to fill and fill and fill while he slept away on his couch. FUN! So we had two super-sized industrial fans running all weekend and the cats were both freaked out. Then yesterday we saw “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” which was much like our weekend — started promisingly, middled weirdly and a little disappointingly, and then ended beautifully.

  • Jennifer Kepesh

    My weekend was wonderful. Thank you for asking. We took in a matinee showing of Moonrise Kingdom, Wes Anderson’s new flick, and it was really, really fun. What I love about WA movies is that instead of starting with strong memories that fade quickly as with most movies, with WA movies, more and more little pieces that were just seen out of the corner of your eye become part of your awareness as the days go on. Also, because I had an extra pie crust to use, I made a raspberry custard tart. Also, we have discovered a new drink, the Dark and Stormy, made with ginger beer and lime and dark rum (and a touch of mint), which is vying to knock the Mojito off its pedestal. We will have to have many bacchanalias comparisons this summer.

  • Christine in Los Angeles

    Oh My Gawd

    “…a black and white pointy bird came by, too. (Not a penguin. Some other kind.)…

    Girl, you really do slay me. Almost two hours later, and I’m still giggling, like, well … like some kind of demented giggler.

    God bless, Christine

  • BerniG

    My daughter came home from a school trip to Italy, so it was a good weekend:) I strongly suspect that the squirrels are using hypnosis on you or using subliminal techniques to get you to keep feeding them!! Repeat after me, Squirrels are EVIL!!

  • If you feed the squirrels, the terrorists win.
    Because squirrels ARE terrorists and they win by eating. Like the squirrels in my back yard that are eating my peaches before they even have a chance to get ripe. DON’T FEED THE SQUIRRELS.
    Also, owing only one house sounds like HEAVEN. You braggart.