Me: What kind of bug?
Maisy: THE ENORMOUS KIND.
*I go into the kitchen, and there he is, floating around the trash can*
Me: Oh Maisy Jane! This is a WONDERFUL Bug! SAM SAM SAM! COME QUICK!
*Sam tears his face away from some screen or other and appears.*
Me: Do not UGH! This is such a FANTASTIC BUG to have. Grab me that Tupperware so we can capture him and put him safely outside. Do you know what kind of bug this is?
*Sam hands me the Tupperware. Now both kids are looking at the bug with friendly interest.*
Me: *overly dramatic* Kids, this is the MAJESTIC MOSQUITO HAWK, backyard super hero and friend to all. We LOVE him.
*The kids are now smiling at the bug with favor*
Me: To see him in our kitchen is like a rainbow flavored promise of less itchiness and summertime delight! Can you guess wha—
*A flash of hairy yellow evil parts the air, sailing between us, and SNAP! Boggart snatches the mosquito hawk out of the air in one fell bite, lands lightly, and saunters off.
*a blinking pause*
Me: Never mind.
Insult to injury? Later, feeling thwarted, I went to look him up on the internet so I could show the kids the Majestic Mosquito Hawk and expound upon his goodness and mosquito eating mercy with a less tragic end. I learned HE DOES NOT EVEN EAT MOSQUITOS. He doesn’t eat ANYTHING. He has no digestive system.