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The Vocabulary of Sass

The man, now that he is all DECATURRED UP, is getting back-chatty. He loves it here. He is blooming.

Like, you know my friend Susan Rebecca White? SRW is a wonderful writer and a known foody. Every restaurant we love best, she has told us about it or taken us there.

SO this week, I don’t know if you know, Venus transponded the sun! Next time this happens, it will be 2117, and you and I will be dead. *Cheery thought for day? ACCOMPLISHED!*

In honor of this momentous transpond that Venus was doing, Scott and I go walking downtown to have a Bourbon Old Fashioned and see if we can’t glimpse the transpondership without going blind as the sun sets. We hear a car horn go, BEEP BEEP, and Susan and her fella, Sam, pull to the curb to say hey. They are on their way from Candler Park (which is a piece of Atlanta that is so close to Decatur you can spit from one and hit the other) to have dinner at our favorite Decatur place, Cakes and Ale.

Scott, who has been a Decatur resident for SIX DAYS at this point, grins shamelessly at the woman who INTRODUCED HIM to Cakes and Ale, and says, “Oh good. We locals love it when the tourist dollars roll in.”

HA! Sassy, he is getting.

So we go downtown, and I have my Old Fashioned and he has a beer and we are looking through a hole in a paper at another paper, waiting for Venus to transpond, and talking about finding a church here. The hunt begins Sunday, when the kids are home from camp. Decatur has about 50 QUADSQUILLIAN churches so we are hopeful we can find one that will be hands-on dirty-hippy enough to make us happy and also have a good youth group/kid program.

We are somewhat hampered in this. In fact, we are going in PRE-hampered. While I am doctrinally SO flexible I am practically a protestant Yogini, my kids are feeling the need to be Presbyterian. I am getting serious childly pushback when I so much as suggest Methodism, and LORD HELP ME if I hint at any faint desire to go Anglican.

The kids are both PRESBY FOREVER! PRESBY OR DIE! Not because EITHER of them has a clear idea of where this lands them on the Protestant Liturgical High to Low Church Spectrum, but just because our Powder Springs Church was Presby and, I SUSPECT, their life has encompassed a LOT of change recently.

Their plates are QUITE full of change, thank you. They would like a side of consistency. They want some FAMILIARNESS sauce.

So, fine, we are looking at the Presby churches.

We found two of interest, although one is HUGE and I, with my nifty terrors of standing in the middle of crowds, strangers, making conversation, and existing, am moderately horrified.

Me: Is it really SO BIG?

Him: I drove past. It’s a huge Campus.

Me: Campus??? What do you mean? A CAMPUS?

Him: Yes. Campus. Meaning all the land containing all the buildings of an institution.

Me: I thought CAMPUS meant all the buildings in a University?

Him: Yes. But you also think Venus is trandsponding.

Me: IT IS TRANSPONDING. A church can have a campus?

Him: Yes, any institution or organization that has a gathering of buildings on a piece of land is a campus.

Me: Are you sure?

Him: Just as I am sure Venus is in transit, so too am I sure about a campus. In fact, in Africa? There are these wetlands where the hippopotamuses live? And sometimes there are little groupings of lakes—

Me: Don’t you say it!

Him: And if all the individual lakes contain animals—

Me: I mean it! Don’t you DARE!

Him: Then that is called a Hippocampus. *looks smug*


19 comments to The Vocabulary of Sass

  • Our church’s campus spans a full city block. 😉

    I was dragged kicking and screaming to the Methodist church, but I can’t imagine anywhere I’d rather be. Wherever you end up, I’ll pray peace in the decision.

  • CJ

    THIS is why your blog is in my favorites folder that’s labeled: Funny

    Love you!

  • rams

    Said it before, say it again — Mr. Husband and Yarn Harlot’s Joe= two of my favorite literary characters.

    And frankly, the Presbyterians (who fought and bled to pick their own bishops) look mighty good to me right now, as our evil Episcopalian bishop just fired our vestry, appointed his own and took half a million of our not-abundant money to reward his friend the priest who was so awful he had to be fired.

    Not that I’m bitter.

  • Oh my! And I didn’t think I could love Scott any more without actually meeting him.

  • Brigitte

    Ha, sassy indeed!

    There are churches with more than one building?

    Unrelated: How COULD you have turned us on to the deliciousness which is “Sherlock” WITHOUT warning us there were so few of them!? Oh, woe is me! . . . actually, you might have mentioned it and I just forgot. I find it handy to blame you anyway! 😉

  • Aimee

    Ha! Mr. Husband is punny.

    @ Brigitte: Isn’t Sherlock AWESOME?! I love Benedict Cumberbatch SO MUCH.

  • ebethnyc

    Love! Thank you Sassy Scott. And I love any place called Cakes & Ale as long as they actually serve cakes & ale. (or Linzers & Lager)

    You are a very savvy and considerate mother as we all already know. Perhaps once the kidlets are settled in more and meet other, similar kidlet types, they might be open to a kick of hot in their familiar sauce, one that has a smaller footprint in the sand for Mom’s sake.

    Bon Chance!

  • Michelle-who-is-Shelley

    Okay, I know that I SHOULD know what all of those denominations of the Protestant church are, but I am clueless. I live in West Michigan. More specifically, Grand Rapids, MI, where the headquarters of the Christian Reformed Church (CRC) is located. This city has 50 quadsaquillion CRC churches alone, aside from all of the other Protestant churches. I went to Calvin College, and I know I should know what differentiates the Presbyterian from Anglican, etc., because I was required to take classes in doctrine and church history but all of that fled my brain after graduation just like any math that I learned.

    You have mentioned your churchy things before like VBS and songs and other church festivities that sound just like everything that I have experienced in my churches, so I have always thought that it is basically the SAME. But apparently it is not. I have no idea how Christian Reformed, Reformed, Methodist, Presbyterian, Baptist, and Non-denom churches are different.

    Oh, and yes. Don’t like those Mega-churches. Very intimidating.

  • Kerry

    ROFL! I have decided to seek spiritual community, which is an interesting challenge as I am (a) and atheist and (b) residing in a very conservative town. Thank heavens for Universalist Unitarians!

  • Can’t offer too much advice, as I am a Catholic. They require classes to join, they don’t make it easy. But it was a perfect match for me, the card-carrying guilt-ridden worrier. And it is kinda funny how they ARE pretty hippy. It’s amazing what people wear to Sunday Mass. And I’m liking the sassy husband. I’m sure you will keep him in line!

  • kimberlyHdM

    It’s not Presby, but not Anglican either, and has a nice open to hippes and their loin fruit vibe—Church of the Epiphany (Episcopal). Cool youth group trips and lots of outreach, but sadly, still not Presby which may not pass the current Jackson 2’s edict. But I’m just saying…..(or actually just typing)

  • kimberlyHdM

    Oh erm—how about hippies and their loin fruit…sigh…carry on

  • Jessica (the celt)

    Ugh, we’re still looking and we’ve been here *mumble time*. We thought we found one, but then there were, ah, monetary differences between us and that church (if we are tithing to you, then you should use that money responsibly and not buy the pastor a motorcycle as a “bonus”). Then we looked at a few others, but most were a bit too conservative for us (I don’t even own a skirt and I don’t tend to follow the “This is who the church thinks you need to vote for” advice. Thus, I really dislike any church who feels they really can GIVE that direction in a person’s life.)

    Anyway, good luck and peace with your church-finding. I’ll add you into our prayers when I pray for our own church-finding. :~D

  • Michelle-who-is-Shelley

    Jessica, thank you for making me laugh out loud today. Agreed that spending church money to buy the pastor a motorcycle is not proper use — but it makes for a funny image. 🙂

  • Hippocampus! I love that! I totally did not see that coming. Keep up the good sass, Scott!

  • allison noakes

    I can see why Cakes and Ale is Mr Husband’s favorite new place. I clicked on the linkey-link and the food and cocktails look fabulous. I may have to ditch So-Cal and head to Decatur!!

  • Hippocampus reminds of you old van, Vincent. You people crack me up. GLAD the new digs and the new town or going down easy.

  • jeaneva

    Being all built and big is not always a bad thing. . .
    Find out BEFORE you join any church if they are about to begin building a new ‘educational wing’ or foot or whatever they have their pious little hearts set on. Finding out ahead of time–and fleeing in terror–will shield you from having to listen to endless sermons about the joys of $$ giving $$ giving $$ giving!

  • What Does A Catholic Know About Presby's Anyway!

    Well I’ll tell ya since I’ve been living in Decatur for 20 years. Decatur Pres is a great church. The pastor, Rev Todd Speed is a wonderful guy. My daughter goes to school with 2 of his 4 boys. You will meet TONS of local Decaturites with tons of local children. Here is an assumption…..your kids may find that a good thing. And one more assumption…you also may find that a good thing since you will be transporting them for playdates. It is a somewhat liberal congregation. It is in Decatur after all. But from what I have heard about another church, Druid Hills Presbyterian is great one too. It is fairly close by (VA-Highland) and is VERY liberal. However, it is not as large and doesn’t have as many kids. Glad to have found you on FB as well as your blog!

    Good luck in your search and welcome to Decatur!