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18 or 19 Reasons Why I Love My Husband

He speaks my shorthand. He knows what “Let’s be mice ladies” means. He understands me when I say AH BLAH BLAH HELICOPTOR! AH BLAH BLAH SPAN! He can navigate the convoluted rules governing whether or not a person should be given a Cathead; he has never wrongfully Catheaded me, and he has never protested being given a richly deserved one.

He is a pool shark. Do NOT play him for money.

He genetically caused half of the two most excellent children in the universe. I am pretty sure he spawned the GOOD halves.

He. Is. The. Most. Patient. Person. Alive.

Everyone thinks his eyes are brown because they are so dark and deep set, but I know they are secretly green.

He is an excellent kisser.

He never let me ruin our lives with Crazy Farm Plan, but when I came up with a GOOD plan he executed it with merciless speed. The movers come tomorrow.

He is a man of deep faith and abiding integrity.

He gets deeply excited about songs and sometimes even feels things in relationship to songs. Sometimes he makes me listen to songs, as if, after all these years, he thinks that ONE DAY I might wake up and be a person who really loves her some songs. This tells me that even though he likes me just like I am, he is open to the possibility that I could, ANY SECOND, up and CHANGE, or even grow as a person, though I say I am categorically against it. Here’s one:

He shaves his head down to tiny stubbles that I like to pet. When he gets enough hair back that his head feels like bristles I call him a hippie.

He is always nice to me.

I can has Dog Punch?

He secretly loves dogs. He says he doesn’t love dogs, that he tolerates them, that they are OKAY HE GUESSES, that he will put up with them because I need little hairy heartbeats in the house to be happy. And this is an accurate representation of how he feels about cats. But SECRETLY? He totally loves dogs. I can tell because he makes this CHUKKACHUKKA noise as he scratches their ears and ALSO he does a thing called DOG PUNCH where he slo-mo superhero punches them in the face while saying DOG PUNCH! in this goofy voice. The dogs push at each other and jostle to be dog punched next. This man loves dogs.

He smells like the best thing that ever had a smell, and he smells specifically exactly like only him. You could blindfold me and put me in a room with half a hundred men and I could find him with my nose.

HE CAN FIX THINGS WITH TOOLS. Like, wood things and machines and even electricity things, and he fixes them well and safely in this casual, confident—-almost insouciant—way that is, excuse me, hot.

A spider bit me on the throat so I have a HUGE RED NECK PUFF like a baby goiter and I slept on my face so I have sleep-creases OVER the wrinkles and I wore a HUGE, 16 year old, black, fabric-pill covered maternity shirt that is the living embodiment of the antithesis of sexy to bed last night because all my things are packed, and when I woke up this morning he was looking at me like I invented pretty.

He doesn’t care about brand names, he does not care what the Joneses have, he does not believe that his car is in some kind of cosmic relationship with his genitals, and he has absolutely no sense of personal style. If clothes are not itchy and cover enough nudity to satisfy social conventions, then they are good clothes. If the sofa is comfortable to sit on, then it is a good sofa. If the car goes quietly from A to B using only a modicum of gas, then it is a good car. The end.

I am going to eat this in my mouth

He is 6’3” and strong like bull, but he can be so gentle…when we got Ansley-dog, who had an unsatisfying homelife before she came to us, he stepped softly and spoke in a falsetto whisper for weeks, until she stopped peeing at the sound of his spooky-man-voice.

He thinks it’s funny and kinda cute that I am SO ungrounded in space and time that I did not realize that today was our anniversary, and he doesn’t care a fig that I am STILL not certain if we have been married 18 or 19 years today. He says he is just glad to be married to me.

HE REMEMBERED. And he is taking to me to Cakes and Ale.

42 comments to 18 or 19 Reasons Why I Love My Husband

  • What an amazing tribute! Happy anniversary!

  • I LOVE that picture of you two. You look like you’ve put aside your major mental illness because protection has his arm around you.

  • Catherine

    Yay for love!!! Happy Anniversary!

  • That is a totally awesome summary of a truly cool man. Lucky you!

  • Klint

    Happyversary to you guys! 😀

  • Yay! Happy anniversary to you two!

  • I am all smilingly teary-eyed! Happy Anniversary, you two!

  • DebR

    Happy anniversary! Hope you have a wonderful day! 🙂

  • You two seriously give me hope for the future. (That sounded more like I’m normally hopeless, but yeah…) you are so sweet and happiest of congratulations!

  • Ray

    We are SRSLY happy for you two. When two among seven billion souls connect with such harmony, it is not only beautiful, but a near-mathematical impossibility.

    Enjoy the cakes and ale; just don’t forget your sword, or you might to deal with another hefty fine- this one much older than 1987 (the year WE were married):

    http://www.shabbir.com/jokes/college/collcakeale.html

  • MissMonky

    What an absolutely perfect way to say I Love You.

  • Happy, happy, happy anniversary!!!!!

  • jeanette in Peculiar

    I too have a husband I LIKE! Love is great, but without LIKE….well, you’ve got nothing.

    And I too have a husband who smells good! I feel like a real weirdo sometimes, but I swear to you that the more he “stinks” the better he smells to me. YAY for pheremones!!

    Congrats on the Anniversary!

  • erinanne

    Happy Anniversary you two!!

  • Aparatchick

    That was one great love song you just sang there.

    Is it possible that we married brothers? In a highly unusual fit of good sense, I married a man just like your husband 26 years ago. Well, mine adores cats, but other than that, he’s just like yours. 😉

  • Jessica (the celt)

    Happy anniversary to both of you! 🙂

    I didn’t realize your anniversary was so close to ours. We just celebrated six years ourselves yesterday (the 27th) by walking through a bog and seeing tons of wonderful peat and two tons of beautiful beautiful plants, including many groupings of carnivorous pitcher plants, which I did not know were native to Minnesota. In fact, I learned that MN has quite a few native carnivorous plants, which is a bit disconcerting, seeing how I’ve been wandering around these shores for six years now and could have lost a leg! Or perhaps a toe! Or…a fly or something.

    So the moral of this story is thus: Stay away from carnivorous plants.

    Er, no, wait. It’s this: Find the one that you love, but more importantly the one that you truly like, your favorite. Make him your best friend and then marry him. Last forever and ever, amen. The end. ;~)

  • Kim

    Happy anniversary, y’all! (And this post? Made me cry the ugly cry ~ you have the most perfect man for you, and you are so blessed by that! Maybe someday, if my crazy number stays low-ish and I hold my mouth just right, my prince will come.)

  • Sheryl

    That was truly beautiful. But I really loved the way HollyGee summed it up I LOVE that picture of you two. You look like you’ve put aside your major mental illness because protection has his arm around you.

  • Yes. Yes! This post makes me indescribably happy because it is the embodiment of everything I have always thought a marriage could be and should be. Thank you Joss & Mr Husband for proving that I am not crazy to think such thoughts. You are just the most lovely, joyful couple I think I’ve seen. LOVE LOVE LOVE this. Happy Anniversary!!

  • Brigitte

    I love how you can articulate things you love about him!

    To digress, it sometimes makes me a little sad that you do not get the songs . . but at the same time, seeing I test at Gee-nee-uss level NOW, I imagine I could take over the world if my head wasn’t full of seven decades of rock n’ roll!

  • Linda J

    Congratulations

    Happy Anniversary!

  • Romona

    Happy Anniversary!!!! Love this Blog – so sweet!! 🙂

  • Aw, I’m half in love with him after that. He sounds like a good guy. Always marry the “good guy” rather than the bad boy. Congratulations!

  • Michelle aka grrlysquirrel75

    You’ve got yourself one fabulous man! Happy Anniversary :-).

  • You realize that you just made millions of women fall in love with your husband, right? Fortunately, I feel the same way about mine, so at least you don’t have to worry about me. (I know, I know. As if.)

    Congratulations to you and your honey!

  • And now – all the other women in the world are in love with your man. 🙂 Happy Anniversary. No matter the year. I never get mine right either. Would have to call my mother in law to pull the wedding napkin out of the closet to read me the date when it drew near. My husband thinks that cute and novel – and that it means he doesn’t owe me a present but really he is the present.

    Hope you guys continue to be amazing for a hundred years and into the over and beyond!

    River

  • P.S. I am stealing from the list, writing it in my anniversary card, and not giving you credit.

  • Tracey

    Love it! I have one of those fabulous men in my life too.

  • That’s beautiful. The two of you are an inspiration and now I’m going to blow my nose. Congrats on the move AND the man! xoxo

  • Aimee

    Happy Anniversary!

  • Jess

    Awwww. You’re adorable. Happy anniversary!!

  • Brian

    I totally knew Scott was the man. Now you’ve confirmed it in the interwebs and so you can never, ever take it back.

    You better pay for dinner. )

  • Happy Anniversary,and those are some great reasons to love your man. Wishing you many more…18 or 19+

  • Michelle-who-is-Shelley

    Happy Anniversary. Thank you for sharing so eloquently why it is that you love this man.
    My husband does the dog thing too. Not the fake dog punch, but he is a 6’4″ man who is all gentle and goofy and playful with our dogs — I think that the best men in the world are men with this quality.

  • Aw, that is loveliness, Jocelyn. Happy anniversary.

  • KarenB

    Happy Anniversary! My husband and I went to Cakes and Ale for our 25th anniversary a couple weeks ago. LOVE that restaurant.

  • That is such a wonderful way to celebrate your anniversary–no matter what number it happens to be!

  • Beth Still

    What a beautiful tribute! You are both sooooo lucky. You can take the measure of man by how he treats animals, kids, and the elderly.

    But wait–you don’t like SONGS? Even the Foo Fighters??

  • You sound like the married couple from The Girl Who Stopped Swimming…
    ;-))))

  • marinan brewer

    Love ya and congrads! Time does fly when you are having fun. Just gets faster as the years roll by.

  • edj

    Happy anniversary to you both! Loved this post.

  • I am really inspired with your writing talents and also with the format to your blog. Is that this a paid subject or did you customize it your self? Anyway stay up the nice high quality writing, it’s uncommon to look a great blog like this one nowadays..