Yes Virginia-of-the-Pink-Socks, there will be a Sloughing, part, two.
The RANDOM has Spoken, as you can see, and it chose the following peeps to win the new Anthology I am in, WEDDING CAKE FOR BREAKFAST:
Sarah of Blue in the Stream and Roxanne. WHOOP on you two.
As for the third copy….Here were my three favorite marriage advices
First runner up: From LA: The best tip I have, from personal experience, is to marry a man who has your back when it comes to lizards.
Scott and I heartily concur. Except I would replace the word lizards with ROACHES and he would replace it with SPIDERS. But yeah, whatever your deal is, marry someone willing to kill it for you. ESPECIALLY if it is roaches. They ALL need to be killed.
Your spouse should at LEAST be willing to carry your phobia to the garden in a Dixie cup. I am against killing lizards or spiders, because they have been known to eat roaches, and are therefore my allies in my war against my scuttle-and-clicky-footed, whisper-y winged horrors, but I get the spiders AWAY from Scott ASAP, and this is morally correct. If your spouse’s thing is a fear of heights, then I say, be prepared to murder cliffs and roofs. You could get a nail file and pare the Empire State Building down to two stories so he or she can comfortably meet you there on Valentine’s day.
Other First Runner Up: From Christine: “Never take your socks off last.”
I do not understand this advice, but it was so CONCISE and SAGE that I believed it. Is it so you can blame foot stink on the other one? I have a logical disconnect problem. It seems to me if no one can take them off LAST then no one EVER takes their socks off, and after a few years of marriage the flesh eating bacteria will eat you both from the ground up. I am being overly literal— Can someone explain it to me?
Don’t let your husband’s elderly aunt tell you on the night before your wedding about the consummation of her marriage. You don’t really need to know that “it’s okay if it doesn’t work for you the first time, honey,” or how “sometimes you need to go to the doctor and talk about it and possibly get something to help you relax.” Oh my. How does one keep a straight face during that? I’m sure it is not easy…not that *I* ever had to do that or anything…
Gratz to all three winners. I will contact you later today with prize claim info— right now I have to drag my bloated carcass to hot yoga before I stress-murder the next contractor or utilities-transfer employee or moving company rep who crosses my path.
PLEASE EXPLAIN THE SOCKS? Part of me thinks the socks you do not take off first are PINK and Christine is messing with my head.