So I noticed that the two main ballerinas in BLACK SWAN had made almost exactly the same movie, FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS and NO STRINGS ATTACHED in which Natalie Portman OR Mila Kunis, but not respectively, has convenient but contractually loveless sex with Justin Timberlake or Ashton Kutcher, but not respectively, and they all four OF COURSE fall for each other, but in PAIRS, not a Big Love way, because while that is a near-perfect example of exactly how love does not work, it IS how chick flicks work.
Interestingly, my theory is that chick flicks are like this for CHICKS, but not because a lot of women actually think love works like this, nor do they really wish love worked like this, but because a lot of women think that they wish love worked like this.
OH ALSO this ties into my TWILIGHT theory, of why TWILIGHT was such a huuuuuge big thing: Because the men (OKAY, Sparkley Vampires) in that book do not behave ANYTHING like how men actually are, and they do not even behave anything like how women wish men would be, but they behave exactly like women think they wish men were. That said, I listened to THE HOST on Audio and really liked it EVEN THOUGH THE MEN IN THE HOST ARE THE SAME NOBLE (but less sparkly) BREED. And here I briefly interrupt myself to give unsolicited advice:
DEAR YOUNG UNMARRIED TWILIGHT READERS,
Don’t trust a man who SAYS he luffffs you, who wants to marry you, but doesn’t try, at least a LITTLE bit, to incite you on toward the next base in whatever game of backseat baseball you are playing. Now, of course you should INSTA-DITCH any guy who starts PRESSURING you in ANY ugly or uncomfortable way, but a girl likes to be asked with…a bit of fervor.
Bluntly: If he DOESN’T want, avidly, to get into your pants, you are headed for an unhappy marriage. JUST SAYING.
It’s like 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon where Kevin is replaced by LITERALLY THE DUMBEST PREMISE FOR A MOVIE I HAVE EVER HEARD, and the degree is ONE.
So I thought I would watch both while I was wrapping presents and compare them, hence the title, but unfortunately I forgot that I very seldom enjoy Chick Flicks. OOPS. SO I watched about ten minutes of one, got bored, watched ten minutes of the other, got boreder, and put on DIE HARD which has a love story but adds in other things I really like, namely, gunplay and Alan Rickman.
Digression: If you do like Chick Flicks, more power to you. I am NOT a movie snob. Oh yea, sure, I heart David Cronenberg, and I am not afraid of subtitles, but a strong majority of the films I watch are not at ALL highbrow.
It’s just Chick Flicks aren’t my kind of fun; I like rubber puppets eating people, preferably in space. Not because I think rubber puppets eat people in space, and not even because I WISH rubber puppets would eat people in space. Not even because I think I wish they would. Just because we all have a taste for our own little pleasures, and rubber puppets are mine.
Digression: My friend Gray James found a book review blog where the writer refers to the romantical vampire genre as “Nom Coms.” HA!
Upshot: I could not do the comparison. So I could not write the entry. I Pinked Socked my OWN self, but good.
Therefore, it falls to you to save me from this inadvertent sockery:
Did you see either movie? HAVE you heard a dumber movie premise? What was the dumbest movie premise you ever heard? Am I dead wrong and we should have a BIG DISCUSS now, because you feel this IS this how love actually works? Do you wish rubber puppets would eat SPECIFIC people? In space? Who? If Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman were playing Mary Ann and Ginger (not respectively) in a movie in space, which one should eventually blow the final rubber puppet out the airlock and survive?