Consider this my Holiday Greetings and Christmas Cards to all the people I did not mail Christmas cards to, which includes…everyone on the planet. Yes. I suck. BUT!
I used to BUY Christmas cards and not send them, so now I just skip right to not sending them, so at least I suck in an ecologically responsible tree saving manner. And I got you the above pic. It’s from the shadow-play nativity—that’s Maisy Jane as a Wise Man, kneeling to present gifts to Joseph, Mary, and what looks like a thirty foot Baby Jesus — as played by a six year old boy named Todd because the toddler-Jesus escaped into the darkness of backstage.)
And it’s a metaphor. Because things don’t go perfectly, ever, and yet, look, life is still so so sweet. Happy whatever you celebrate in this glorious time.
Yesterday I braved Target because I was out of milk and meat and wrapping paper and wine, and I could have eaten dry cereal and soup and wrapped the last gifts in butcher paper, but did you catch that last part? OUT OF WINE! So Target. You can get ALL those things there.
Halfway through the madding crowded lunacy of Target two days pre-Christmas, my phone rang. When I left I told Scott to PLEASE call me if he thought of ANYTHING we needed because I have NO intention of darkening the door of anyplace where goods and services are sold until December 19th, at the earliest.
Wow, was the lady from church that I barely know surprised. Heh. Of course, if she doesn’t FREAKIN’ ADORE DR. HORRIBLE (also known around here as The Glorious En Pea Aitch) it’s not like she and I are ever going to be truly CLOSE.
After I hung up, Maisy Jane said, Why did you yell GO FOR BARNEY to answer the phone?
Me: It is my New Year’s Resolution. I decided am going to answer the phone by hollering GO FOR BARNEY into it.
MJ: Momma, but that’s not really giving something up.
Me: *puzzled look*
MJ: You have to give something up, for God, like a sacrifice. Not yell, GO FOR BARNEY.
Me: That’s LENT, hon. New Year’s Resolutions are a different animal. Resolutions are when you promise to create a new good habit or break an old bad one in the New Year. And THIS Year, I resolve to answer the
phone by yelling, GO FOR BARNEY.
MJ: *worried* That sounds terrible. How long do New Year’s Resolutions last?
Me: *darkly* In my experience, no more than a day or two.
ALAS! I could not find a video of EN PEA AITHCH saying it, so here is Barney’s video resume:
DO NOT FORGET VBS!
The Virtual Book Signing is going on RIGHT NOW. If I am not coming to a town near you on The Actual Tour, you can still get a signed, first edition, first printing copy of A GROWN-UP KIND OF PRETTY from The Alabama Booksmith. You will be supporting ME, literally, which means you get to help keep Schubert the one-eyed pirate cat stocked with his UNIMAGINABLE EXPENSIVE diabetic cat food,
You will also be supporting an AMAZING independent bookstore, and ALSO, look, Beloveds, I am proud of this book—I think you will LIKE IT! So you will get a book I think you will really enjoy (and everyone from Publisher’s Weekly to Library Journal to Kirkus has so far agreed with me—they think you will like it.
Heck, Book List called it “a mesmerizing tale” and said, “This is Jackson’s most absorbing book yet, a lush, rich read with three very different but equally compelling characters at its core.” Then they gave it a you-will-like-this-book star.
Even if you — like every teenage guest star who ever graced an 80’s sit com — suddenly turn out to be secretly illiterate, a Cig Harvey photograph graces the cover; you need a copy just to GAZE at. *emphatic nodding*
You can Participate HERE. LEMON OUT.
(I further have resolved to holler LEMON OUT to END every phone call, is what that was.)