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Things That Are Awful


AWWWWWWWWWWWWW. The way he looks up at his person and makes lip-smackies. As if he is saying, “MMMM THANKS FOR THE DELCICIOUS….NOTHING.” And yet he keeps trying. He is Sisyphus Lizard. It is awful.
And yet I laugh and laugh.

Look, this is awful, too:

Our across the street neighbors have a Santa wonderland thing going, and at night this fellow inflates and lights up, filling our cul-de-sac with a cheery kitschy glow. However, all day long, he looks like Dead Melted Santa Puddle. Santa as imagined by Salvador Dali. The Wicked Witch of the West Santa, as melted by Dorothy. Or maybe he is just a simple Sentient Post Apocalyptic Santa Pile. Who wants to sludge toward you and suck your brain out your ears while making lip-smacky noises JUST LIKE THAT LIZARD.

He has figured largely in my dreams this week. *shudder*

Here are some Animal Friendly (and excrutiatingly violent) (and disturbing) games. I am sure they are not copyright infringement at all, even though they are showing Mario doing awful, awful things. It is from our friends at PETA, protesting the way Mario wears a raccoon suit to have special powers?

I always kinda assumed Mario’s Raccoon suit was made out of COSTUME materials, not an actual raccoon, in the same way my son’s one time Mario Halloween costume was made of foam and plastic, not out of an actual Italian plumber. IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN, etc. There are more PETA games below. In my favorite, Ronald McDonald gets the LIVING CRAP beaten out of him by some chickens.

Which is fine with me. Clowns are AWFUL.

SPECIAL RIDDLE FOR BEST BELOVEDS: I tried to slip a pink sock past ya….did it FLY? Did you MISS it? Or van you name the pink sock that just happened here?

10 comments to Things That Are Awful

  • I…don’t have words. I am having issues assimilating the information given to me in that PETA video. It’s AWFUL, just like you said! HOW IS THAT LEGAL? #ThingsIWishICouldUnsee

  • Lulu

    Well, I did think it sounded like a pink sock set-up at the time…. Either that, or you were on a roll and already had the next post written! I am curious about The Movie Ballerina Sex-Love Playa Fallacy Comparison, though.

  • Lulu

    ps. I love the lizard playing Ant Crusher! While he doesn’t get any actual ants, he doesn’t get stung when he hits the wasps either. So there’s that.

  • Jill W.

    Yes, still waiting on The Movie Ballerina Sex-Love Playa Fallacy Comparison. But I love that lizard.

  • Linda J

    OMG that video needs a disclaimer!!! I couldn’t watch but the first few moments. Ugh.. There are no words

  • Lori B.

    No, you didn’t fool us. Still waiting on The Movie Ballerina Sex-Love Playa Fallacy Comparison. Fortunately for me, I didn’t see the Mario video. My children are in the room, and I knew they would come running if they heard the music. After hearing from y’all, I think I’ll just skip it…

  • I missed it, but I have a head cold. Am I still part of the interweb posse???

  • Jennifer in NC

    I missed it. Too busy being freaked out by the creepy clown.

    I HATE CLOWNS !!!!

    The lizard, however, is adorable.

  • Joshilyn, making a list of other awful things sadly doesn’t take away from the awful TLC announcement. However, I’m glad to know that someone else is freaked out by the puddling daytime Santas. My next door neighbor has one and the other day I had the misfortune of coming home just as it was deflating. Horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

  • Stephanie

    I’m belatedly commenting on the last post…Grosse Point Blank! YES! Also in my top five. And YAY for book tour coming to Asheville. I solemnly swear not to fan-out too obviously…oh who am I kidding, I can’t even compose a coherent, non-fannish comment.