The blog entry after this will be titled The Movie Ballerina Sex-Love Playa Fallacy Comparison. Which sounds like an episode title for The Big Bang Theory. Which relates because the title of this entry is…see above.
First, some context. And a wee bit of name dropping…
Best Beloveds of course remember that Stephen Colbert and I are like, SUPER TIGHT BEST FRIENDIES? By which I mean ONCE I was at a party my publishing house threw and his book had just come out and I got to meet him and he was nice.
Then a year or two later Karen Abbott and I waited outside in the bitter NYC cold to be in his audience, and I am pretty sure he recognized me as his dear friend from the party. (Not really.) (But I kept pointing out to Karen all the entirely invented evidence that his whole show was aimed at pleasing me, and that he was sending me secret BFF signals all through the show.)
The truth is, when I met him, he was SUPER lovely and doing the thing where the celebrity tries to treat the fan like a person and not a fan. Like, asking me questions about me, being really genuine and kind.
I was COMPLETELY uninterested in that. I just wanted to scream my adoration into his face and get my picture taken with him and FLEE before I spontaneously combusted or peed the floor. He was very gracious about THAT, too, and just kinda rolled with it when it was clear I was not UP to being treated like a person. I escaped as soon as I could, camera phone clutched moistly in my delighted hand, heart pounding.
I came home and told Scott about it, breathless with delight, and THE COLBERT REPORT is one of the few shows Scott will watch that isn’t on Discovery channel. He smiled and said, “Cool.” Totally blasé. HE would have let The Colbert treat him like a person.
It was a LUNCH, not a loud party, so she was spared the screaming OHEMGEE I SO DOUBLE HEART YOU AND ALL YOUR SUPERNESS that poor Mr. Colbert was subjected to, but I will confess it involved blushing. AND stammering. AND toe scrubbing. Sadsadsad.
I came home and told Scott about it, breathless with delight, and he said, “Oh yeah. She’s very talented.” His heart rate did not rise. His voice did not quiver. He was….INSOUCENT!
A few years ago, Scott came with me on a business trip to NYC, and while we were there, we went to the theatre. My favorite thing to do in NYC is go to TICKETS in Times Square and see what I can get into half price that night. We scored PRIME seats to a Tom Stoppard play, and two rows in front of us, rocking an up-do and a white dress that probably cost more then my car…BAM! Nicole Kidman.
This is an A LIST MOVIE STAR, people. She was in MOULIN ROUGE! which hits my top five all time movies. (Other 4: History of Violence, Eastern Promises, Grosse Pointe Blank, and a revolving one depending on what has rocked my world recently.) Scott ALSO ADORES Moulin Rouge, and there was Nicole Kidman, and we were close enough to spit in her hair.
(For the record, I did not. JUST SAYING I COULD HAVE. THAT CLOSE!)
I clutched Scott’s arm and hissed., “NICOLE KIDMAN! ONE O CLOCK! LOOKIT! LOOOOOKIT!”
I spazzed. I vibrated. I hyperventilated. I trembled. I had to be physically restrained from leaping up and pointing.
Scott said, “Oh. Yeah. That IS her. Neat.” And went back to reading Playbill.
Now that we have a context, I have to tell you….Mr. Cool. Mr. Cucumber. Mr. Icy Veins. LORD INSOUCENT OF UPPER BLASÉ. Lost his crap earlier this week.
He was at a conference in Vegas and the key note speaker was…I refer you to the title.
WHO THE AITCH EE KNITTING NEEDLE KNITTING NEEDLE has a FAVORITE Physicist?
You should have HEARD him telling me about it on the phone. He was VIBRATING with thrill. And then I kept getting these EXCITED Un-Scottly TEXTS from him, saying things like, “He was on the same shuttle as me. I shook hand and told him I was looking forward to the keynote!”
He deployed an exclamation point! WOW. For my low key husband, this is the equivalent of me meeting some admired celestial being and having my head literally explode into chunks of fevered joy. And here I use the word literally to mean LITERALLY. I would have to DIE in an explosive wave of pleasure SO GREAT that my HEAD would fall into several pieces to be the equivalent of SCOTT sending that text.
He took pictures at the talk. He waited in line to have his book signed. He was TOO SHY to get his picture taken WITH the guy. HA! I am SO filled with laugh and charm to see him FINALLY fan-ning out.
I told ALL my friends about this, and they all laughed and were charmed. Then I ran out of friends, so I started telling HIS friends, which was…less satisfying. When I told both Skeet and Chris, and they reacted almost identically. BOTH conversations went something like this:
Me: So Scott went to this conference and the keynote speaker turned out to be his favorite physicist, and you know, usually Scott is—
Friend of Scott: OH! Who was it?
Me: Who was what?
FoS: The physicist? Who was it?
Me: Umm, not sure, like a Japanese sounding name?
FoS: MICHIO KAKU???? WAS IT MICHIO KAKU????!??!??
I love geeks. All of them. As a tribe.
But I love mine most of all.