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Puffy. Giraffe. New South. NO BUS YET! KEEP LOOKING!

I am reading the audio for A GROWN UP KIND OF PRETTY this week hopped on steroids to make sure I have the lungs for it. I am having a great time with it, though—SO MUCH FUN! And am SO LUCKY I get to do this. SO lucky.

But… man.

Steroids are BAD. This is my second round, and I have been on them for 9 days this time. So. I have had a LOT of steroids. They get me out of bed and make me able to breath and function. Out of bed to breathe, function, and KILL PEOPLE in a ROID RAGE. But still.

Also? I have gained 10 FREAKIN pounds in October as these things puff you up; I feel like a peep in a microwave.

Also the MOOOOOD swings. YEESH! When my husband looks at me funny, I eat his head of like an already-pregnant-so-can’t-be-bothered-with-the-pleasant-part female praying mantis.

Then I feel TERRIBLE because really? It is just the drugs, so I WEEP and flail and apologize, and he tells me IT IS OKAY, BABY in a voice that CLEARLY means he thinks I am fat, WHICH I AM, so then I eat his freshly grown head off.

Steroids? Are bad.

Once I am off them, we ALL need a break.

He needs to not be yelled or cried at. And I NEED A PLEASANT THING TO HAPPEN TO ME. A MAGICAL THING. A VERY GOOD THING.

Or maybe this giraffe is on steroids.

So a pair of my beautiful, talented, dear, dear, lovely three-names-each writery friends, Susan Rebecca White and Patti Callahan Henry are taking me to TOUCH A GIRAFFE. On his FACE.

This is the best possible thing that can ever happen to me.

I am so excited I am having trouble not wetting myself as I type this. I WILL TOUCH A GIRAFFE ON HIS FACE and then I will be happy for the rest of my life. And nice to my husband. Who deserves it.

I leave you with four true facts about the last four days:

1) Yesterday I read out loud a scene where a perfectly horrible old man swaddled up in blankets yells the Very Bad N word. Over and over. I am pleased to report everyone on the team at the sound studio is black.

2) Except my producer, who is Asian.

3) SO LUCKILY the same horrifying character also berates his granddaughter because she had a “chinky baby”

4) Today I get to read a line where another character proclaims she is CLEARLY not a racist because she performed an oral favor upon a black guy once, and he tasted JUST like a white guy. So. That will be comfortable.
*weak smile.* Pass the steroids.

20 comments to Puffy. Giraffe. New South. NO BUS YET! KEEP LOOKING!

  • I bet your mother is nodding, thinking to herself, “That will teach her to write THOSE sort of scenes.”

  • I’m laughing at your discomfort. Not because I dislike you, you see, but because I’m commiserating.

    ps. I CAN NOT WAIT for the audio book. Your audiobooks are just as good as the paper kind. I like to own both, as I might need some Joshilyn Jackson at any point, and I like to have all my bases covered.

  • Beth R

    How cool that you get to touch a giraffe!!! I’m jealous 🙂

    Maybe the ‘roid rage is a good thing? It helps you get past those awkward moments as you yell racial epithets into the microphone since it’s CLEARLY the ‘roids talking.

  • Jill W.

    I have hand fed a giraffe, and it is a lovely experience. You will love it.

    Sorry yuou are dealing with steroids, but I can’t wait to hear the audiobook. Especially with those little preview snippets.

  • Chris

    Ok. Your day of work beats my day of work – hands down!

  • Aimee

    Oh no… I am simultaneously laughing and sympathetically wringing my hands at the thought of your recording session today. Can’t wait to read the book, though!

  • Good luck making it through those scenes. Still probably beats sitting in an office though, yes? :0)

    I love the giraffe photo. SO hilarious.

  • *Of all the ways to de-lurk myself…*

    Just had to mention that when I type your blog into my browser URL thingy I use the last three letters to make the history magic do-whatsit know where I want to go. And how do I remember what those three letters are? Not Faster Than Kudzu, oh nonono.

    You are, to me and my browser, always Joshilyn Jackson – FOR THE KILL!

    Maybe that’s a bit too appropriate with the ‘roid rage? But hey, you just go OWN that blow job passage – FTK.

  • Lori B.

    Oh my, better you than me. I’m not sure I could read those scenes…out loud. But I can’t wait to read them to myself! And then listen to you read them later when I have a long trip in the car by myself. Hmmm, that might be awhile…

    I am jealous of your giraffe petting. How cool is that! Our middle child has loved giraffes since she was 2 1/2. We took her to Busch Gardens in Tampa, where she informed the zookeeper during the “keeper talk” that she wanted to ride the giraffe. The keeper, who was all of 22, kept telling my husband and I that riding on a giraffe was not permitted, because giraffes were wild animals, as if we were going to jump the fence and heave our precious bundle of blond hair and blue eyes up on the giraffe’s back just because she asked. My husband and I had a hard time keeping a straight face as the keeper talked and our two-year-old kept insisting she wanted to ride on the giraffe. So petting a giraffe isn’t quite as cool as riding one, but it’s the first step, right? I wonder if the keeper has any children yet…

  • liz

    Okay, this post TOTALLY makes up for the one with Spock. : )

  • Lia

    *pat pats* I hear alcohol and chocolate cure everything.

  • Niki

    Heads up: Giraffe tongues are 1. Very long, 2. Very purple, and 3. VERY slimy. Mentally prepare for this and you will be fine should they offer you graham crackers to feed it…

  • Oh man lol. That sounds like quite the … mouthful 😉 I adore your audiobooks and am stoked for another 😀

  • Brigitte

    Ah, I also was going to issue the giraffe-tongue warning. But getting slimed by the giraffe would be pleasant compared to your discomfort with #1-4!

    I think THIS peep video is MUCH more representative of your current mood:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Cj3hGpCHYQ

  • Linda J

    Wow sounds great although uncomfortable … I completely understand the whole roid rage thing. They make people around me pray for my pmdd to hit because it is so much easier to handle!

    Get well soon

  • So. Glad. That if I can’t touch a giraffe on it’s face YOU CAN!!!!! They are my fave animal. . .I love their long, long, looooooooooong eye lashes.
    And You with your hinty-hints about the new book. I am SO EXCITED.

  • elizabeth

    OK, the bus picture was sent to your facebook inbox!
    Enjoy!

  • Lindsey

    I am excited for you to pet the giraffe! I worked summer camp at our local zoo for two summers and got to feed the giraffes once a week, but we were not allowed to touch them (apparently they hate it). Your giraffe must be a special pet-able one!

  • That sounds AWKWARD making. Also fun fact, I met Susan Rebecca White here in my hometown of Greenwood, Missersippi when she came for a book signing. Me and my best friend had lunch with her at TurnRow, our indie bookstore. I bought Susan a copy of The Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love and did NOT cry on her OR wipe my snot on her shoulder. I was so professional. Ask her about the best fried chicken in the world. It’s here. :0 Hope you feel better!

  • Genevieve

    I had the roid rage when I had steroids for terrible bronchitis this year. It was exactly like the praying mantis. Felt so terrible to be so out-of-control like that, like a possession. Did a lot of apologizing to my nearest and dearest. I felt like I should wear a sign: “Not Responsible for the Screaming.”