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Ongoing Thwartage

Self Portrait, pre-Salem

SO! Filed under QUESTIONS, sub-header ONES THAT ARE ACTUALLY NOT AT ALL INTERESTING, you should probably ask me, “How ya feeling?” You will be mildly disinterested to know that I am still sick.

You are not as disinterested in me still being sick than *I* am, believe me.

The good news is, it did not ruin my long-anticipated trip to Salem. Pre-Flight, I managed to skank up a Z pack by calling my doctor and weeping audibly at multiple nurses until one took mercy upon me, and by day three I felt GREAT and now, two days after the antibiotics were over, I feel JUST AS CRAPULANT AS EVER. I spose it is more like RE-sick than sick, but either way. I am headed back to the vet today.

SO that’s where we are. Today I will mail all the Salem photos to myself from the Smahhhhhhtphone (THAT IS ME TALKING ALL SOUTH BOSTSON! I am INCREDIBLY bad at it!) But those photos will allow me to show you the famous Masturbating Statue from THE LACE READER. That statue really exists! It was a TOTAL COUP in the ongoing game of Inappropriate Monument Bingo I play with Karen Abbott.

Best part was I got to meet, remeet, and hang out with a buncha tarts from my super-fun group blog. Salem is AWESOME and I wandered around oogling history and breathing the warm salt air and thoroughly enjoying myself.

It feels pretty….haunted. Like, reminded me of Savannah, kinda. I tried to have a mystical experience, but I failed. Maybe this is my hyper-sensitive pragmatism gland, or maybe it was just the circumstances.

Alas, the Tarot Card Reader Brunonia Barry wanted to take us to was not available, so we went to a different one, a MAN one, with a very serious Boston accent, the kind that uses Aitches for Ares. It is very hard to feel mystical when being told that “Life ‘snot gonna be that Hahhhhhhd for the rest of this Yahhhh.”

Self Portrait, post-Salem

He was quite amused with MY accent as well. HEE.

I did not come away a true believer — maybe because he told all four of us who went to see him WONDERFUL THINGS that lined up perfectly with what we wanted to be told. We all have very beautiful, powerful energy. The writers were about to have break out amazing books publish. Financial success was palpably imminent for all. The single ones were on the verge of meeting the right man. The married ones were not going to come home and catch their husband expressing an inappropriate level of tender feeling toward the ceramic giraffe in the foyer.

I came away instead mildly wishing we had seen the OTHER Psychic, the one Brunonia says NAILS stuff…but still, I was also somehow PLEASED. It’s VERY NICE to spend a half hour being told that wonderful secret surprises are right around the corner, and that PS, you are amazing, and that PPS, you may be 43, but you still have more going on in the hot department than jungle animal statuary.

Some days? When your lungs are slowly reclogging and you feel like a giant wad of floppy, mildly be-fevered doom? That feels like a win.

17 comments to Ongoing Thwartage

  • Beth R

    The advantage of catching your loved one with a ceramic giraffe? You can bludgeon said loved one with said giraffe. It’s hard to do that with a bimbo 🙂

    I’m sorry you’re still feeling ooky… but how come you can still be funny, even when you’re all germ-ridden? Get better soon!

  • DebR

    Do you remember what actual cards were in the spread the reader interpreted? Just wondering if I’d think they were all wonderful too. 🙂 Glad you felt better for your trip, but sorry you feel The Return of Ickiness now.

  • Em

    I went to a Salem witch/medium/psychic last week and spent $80 to hear hear nail NOTHING but then tell me my house was extremely haunted which, even though nothing else was correct, I can’t shake as being the gospel truth whenever I need to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I am very sad that I missed the bookfest in Salem but did enjoy the southern weather you brought with you. Thanks for that.

  • I am sorry you are dead. But I am glad you are not dead, dead. I sent up a flare e-mail to check on you. 🙂 And while I was concerned, it turns out that I should be. Be nice to your lungs.

  • Aimee

    I am sorry you are sick. Or re-sick, as the case may be. BUT as a person who grew up in Boston I do find your written interpretation of the Boston accent very amusing.

    Meanwhile, I will be waiting to see the Masturbating Statue. I cannot imagine such a thing (this is in Salem? somehow that statue got left off of all of my elementary school trips. I wonder why?)

  • liz

    Again, with the mocking of the Massachusetts accent! I cannot believe how Southern you sounded when you spoke Saturday night. Sick or not, you were amazing. Now go eat chocolate and rest.

  • Jill W.

    Hope you feel better soon.

    I just finished reading The Lace Reader last week- looking forward to seeing the pics. : )

  • Kathy

    I must not be beaming all the good health wishes hard enough. BEAM!!! BEAM!!! BEAM!!!!

  • Barbara

    Hope the original bug didn’t latch on while in Rome! Stay out of hotels and motels and airplanes and restaurants for a while. All that “already breathed air” has germs. Eat comfort food, take a stiff drink, and sleep. Hope you feel better soon.

  • Hi Joshilyn,

    So sorry to hear that you are sick again!!! I suggest Augmentin this time instead of a Zpak. It takes a little longer but it works. The statue is Roger Conant, Salem’s town founder. Unfortunate trick of perspective, but really, the sculptor should have checked from all angles.

    Thanks for coming and for a wonderful keynote speech. Salem is in love with you!

    Feel better soon.

  • Brigitte

    I read The Lace Reader about a year ago, was that one of your recs? I Googled the statue at the time (of course, since I have the sense of humor of a 10-year-old boy), but had no luck finding a photo from the (in)correct angle. Looking forward to yours.

    Sorry to hear you are feeling so craptastic. At least you have PHYSICAL yurccch to blame for the inability to claw your way from the pit!

  • Les in AZ

    Can’t wait to see the pics – sorry your unwell – again. Get better soon or at least get some drugs from the dr. to make you THINK your well 😉

  • Lulu

    plz to not be ded. plz? thx.

    Will light candles for you and send mindbeams of mucus-free healthiness & sunshine your way. Also, do you need cookies???

  • Lulu

    random sherlock question — why are their eyes so dilated??? I thought it was just sherlock at first, but it’s Moriarty too, but not John Watson that I can see. Is this specific to this show or is my TV ignorance showing? Or is it something diabolical like teh drugs??

    pee ess – thank you for the sherlock recommendation!! = excellence.

  • You really have a way of turning your miserable health issues into entertainment for the masses. Feel Better, no matter what kind of drugs (and accompanying side effects) it takes! 😉
    ps – I love your MA-accent spellings. Didja try any peetsah while you were there?

  • You will ALWAYS have more hotness than jungle statuary…you have a sexy brain.

  • So sorry you are still sick and experiencing ongoing thwartage!

    I have a Salem witch ancestress (and another who ACCUSED her of being a witch), plus a ancestor who kept a horse saddled in his barn in case anyone needed to flee to New Hampshire. Lots of ghosts in our closet 🙂 It would be fun to get them and the Savannah folks together in the same space. . .