1) You go on a date with your husband, and you pick FRIGHT NIGHT, the remake, because you both saw the original and loved it when you were teenagers. Once at the movie theatre, you look at all the posters, and MANY of the movies being advertised are remakes of movies you saw when you were teenagers, and the rest are INSTANTLY reminiscent of iconic movies you saw as teenagers, so that you come to understand you have, indeed, seen at least one version of EVERY POSSIBLE HUMAN MOVIE, and are doomed to watch recycled crap until death takes you or the aliens come with fresh stories.
By the way? If you LIKE B movie horror, and OHHHHHH we do, we do, it doesn’t get better than this. Colin Farrel is SO great and horrible and spooooooky, David Tennant was hilariously great, it was a perfect balance between camp and chills, there were super cute teenagers-in-baby-lurve. Toni Colette wasn’t given a huge amount to do as mom, but what-ev, I always love to see her. She is so good, I would watch a movie called TONI COLLETTE MAKES SOUP.
Best of all, there was a lot of date-ly arm clutching, which is the whole point of B horror.
2) You are in a secular mood, so you swap off your usual hymn-station and put on the oldies station, and the oldies station is playing music from when you were in high school.
Like, say, this:
3) Then, you have the following conversation.
Nine Year old Daughter: This song makes NO sense.
You, with horrible, instant understanding: Maisy Jane, do you KNOW what a record is?
Nine Year old Daughter: Of course I do, geez, Momma.
You, knowing better than to ask, but asking: Okay, what is a RECORD?
Nine Year old Daughter: Ummm…it’s like what is in the office. Like my grades, they have a record of that.
Fourteen Year Old Son: I think it can also be those black things that music was on in olden times. Like, Bj and Poppa have a thing you can play one on still at their house.
You, dying inside: Turn-Table. It is—-WAS, it WAS called a turn-table.
4) You KNOW you had four ways when you started, but you can’t think of the last one. Not to save your life.
Can you tell your way to know for my four? Or are you still a dewy seventeen?