By which I mean, I PLAYED DARKFALL with a fervor that bordered on fanaticism.
Amorphous people-shaped objects would rise in my peripheral vision and SAY things at me, things like, “Joss do you want to go to the beach? To the pool? To eat crustaceans at a seaside bar? To the shark store? To the butterfly museum?”
I would wipe foamy flecks of battle spittle from my crazed lips and holler back without looking up from the monitor: IN A SECOND I JUST NEED 17 MORE ZOMBIE WARRIORS FOR THIS TITLE QUEST AND THEN I CAN—GAHHHH I JUST GOT PK’ed AGAIN AND AM APPEARING IN MY UNDERPANTS BACK AT START!!!!! I NEED ANOTHER HOUR TO RECOUP MY CRAP! BRING ME BACK SOME CRUSTACEANS THOUGH. AND SOME LIQUOR.
So, yeah. A week later, I logged off and came home to two hundred business emails, four hundred personal ones, and more than a thousand spams about my nonexistent penis and another thousand wanting to deposit MILLIONS of Euros into my bank account because I just seem SO DARN TRUSTWORTHY, two attention starved dogs, one seriously sulking abandoned cat, one Boggart who arched an eyebrow and said, “Oh. You were gone? I did not notice,” a weedy flower garden, and a chapter five that isn’t going to DRAFT ITSELF, now is it?
Even so? As I write this? In a window behind this window? My little Darkfall toon, the intrepid FENCHURCH FENN, is herbing industriously away. SO. It is apparently taking me a minute to get my head back in REAL life. SO BE PATIENT WITH ME> I know I have business to attend to and it shall be attended unto prolly this weekend. *makes significant eyebrows*I was SO deep down into Darkfall that people in my clan, people who live in exotic places like New Zealand and Michigan, FELLOW ADDICTS who were playing DARKFALL with me, even THEY would say, “Hey? Didn’t you say this was your vacation? Aren’t you at the beach? Maybe you should, like, GO OUTSIDE. You could look at a PELICAN, perhaps moisten a toe in the bonny wave-brines?”
And I would say SHUT UP I HAVE TO KILL THIS HOBGOBLIN HE HAS THE SWORD I NEE—GAHHHH I AM GETTING PK’ED AGAIN!!!!!”
I currently have very low skills, so when I shoot you with my little bow, AND I WILL, I am about as a spooky as a kitten pooping unicorns at you. Therefore, I also expended a small amount of energy keeping a list of everyone who killed my little toon. There will, one day, when I am skilled up, be some SERIOUS justice meted out unto them. WOE BETIDE THEE< OH KITTEN KILLING PEOPLE ON MY LIST, is all that I am saying.
The upsides of spending one’s vacation almost entirely in a virtual world:
1) No sun poisoning for the first time in 5 years. I am so PERNICIOUSLY IRISH, so potato colored, so melanin-free, that usually by the end of beach week I am a red-bumped lump of scarlet suet, SPF 50 and not going out between noon and two notwithstanding.BUT THIS WEEK? Because I pretty much only went outside at server down, which was 6 -7 am, I returned as lily white and un-skin-cancerous as I left, lo these 8 days ago. I spent the server down hour surf-stomping for exercise and making friends with a gray heron named Berthold that all the early morning fisherman have bait-fed into tame-itude.
2) I was among my kind. While my parents and sister-in-law and children frolicked about in the aqua waves, my HUSBAND brought components and BUILT himself a new desktop and sat down and played Darkfall with me. My brother sat on my other side, robbing the ore-mines of Bladethorpe of their rare metals.
We had this GORGEOUS view of the Gulf that we could have been appreciating, but instead, the three of us played Darkfall in a DORKLINE on the dining room table, and we closed the blinds every second there wasn’t some sun worshipping beach-loon in the room who wanted to see the OCEAN and whatnot. Monitor glare can cost you your LIFE, sun-people.
3) I HAD FUN. Which, isn’t that what vacation is for?
My character’s name is Fenchurch Fenn, if you play on the NA server, so give me a shout out, maybe mention you like my books as you PK me with your +90 Vorpal Blade of murderization, and take my homemade studded leather armor and send me back to the starter town in my underpants.