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Mango would like it known he resents being cast as the ominous murderer in so many of my recent blog pet pictures, to which I reply, “Perhaps you should stop looming around, terrorizing Ansley. Maybe stop making blood-lusty throat-goat warbles and giving yourself minor brain damage by hurling your face into the glass in a [...]  We skipped Christmas this year. Dad had a very difficult and fraught recovery, and he just didn’t feel like having Christmas. WE didn’t feel like it WAS Christmas. Christmas is welcome to come without ribbons. Or come without tags. It can come without packages, boxes or bags. But I need Daddy carving the roast beast [...] I hate the word succulent. It should only be used by EXTREMELY creepy vampires who are speaking of pale, wasting virgins in empire waist dresses, and then the vampires should IMMEDIATELY be staked for saying it, preferably by someone good looking and ruddy, who should then swoop the girl off her fainting couch and [...] The man, now that he is all DECATURRED UP, is getting back-chatty. He loves it here. He is blooming. Like, you know my friend Susan Rebecca White? SRW is a wonderful writer and a known foody. Every restaurant we love best, she has told us about it or taken us there. SO [...] He speaks my shorthand. He knows what “Let’s be mice ladies” means. He understands me when I say AH BLAH BLAH HELICOPTOR! AH BLAH BLAH SPAN! He can navigate the convoluted rules governing whether or not a person should be given a Cathead; he has never wrongfully Catheaded me, and he has never protested [...] I have decided to live to be exactly 88, at which point I will drop dead onto the tarmac. I plan to have wispy tufts of lavender hair not actually covering much of my shiny smooth cap of scalp. I will be sporting a generous dollop of crooked-y pink lipstick, some on my lips and [...] REMINDERS: I am in Florida and Alabama now. If these are your stomping grounds, check the tour schedule and come see me. We will have fun. Pinky Swear. We are getting SO CLOSE to Virtual book Signing at Alabama Booksmith, so if you want a signed first edition/ personalized book stating you have the best [...] This Pilot Did Not Win Christmas This is very late, but Strep prevented me from caring. Or sitting up. I am finally better, and antibiotics are miraculous. I love to win Christmas. Okay, let’s be real. I love to win. ANYTHING. I have a problem. I had to stop playing online Scrabble [...] The blog entry after this will be titled The Movie Ballerina Sex-Love Playa Fallacy Comparison. Which sounds like an episode title for The Big Bang Theory. Which relates because the title of this entry is…see above. First, some context. And a wee bit of name dropping… Best Beloveds of course remember that Stephen Colbert [...] (I had to cut this down to make it fit on Twitter, which I did because it was too long to tweet, but really too short for a blog. But here I am, blogging the actual word for word version ANYWAY, because I am STILL so dern charmed by it.) SO… Me: *coming [...] |
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