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This is a Metaphor. A Gross, Upsetting Metaphor

So you know the tale of An A Bunnies, circa 2008. And you know that here in 2015, just minutes before 12 people showed up at my house for dinner, Bagel-Dog discovered a skunk living under the garden shed and took a big blast of Smell right in his face.

Here is what you […]

I Saw Something Nasty in the Woodshed

See the double fold of neck flesh under Bagel’s chin? We call that his Throat Butt.

THE SCENE: In about fifteen minutes, a dozen people are descending upon my house for dinner. I love all these people, but I am a nervous hostess. I tend to over-do. I panic. I froth. All my upholstered […]

Moo-ey. The Christmas Cow.

A very un-Christmassy cow by Ernst Vikne

This is a story I have never told on the blog, because Scott assures me it is funny to absolutely NO ONE but us, and that only because we are Deeply Troubled. I disagree. SO. You decide.

My parents live in the wilds of Alabama, and one […]

The 12 Days of Road Kill (A Different Kind of Advent Experience)

Sam’s stocking was handmade by genius novelist and sew-goddess Lydia Netzer. Maisy had a lovely one as well, but got lost somehow on a Christmas Travel, when she was about four. As an LPoQT (little person of questionable taste) she picked this emergency one out at Target:

Well. Okay. IN MY DEFENSE: Santa […]

A Plot Twist

OKAY! today I am constructing a plot twist, and I just remembered this. All my childhood hamsters were named after female hymn writers. In church, if the sermon was dull, I would flip through the hymnal hunting more hamster names. When I found a good one, like, say, Magnolia Lewis-Butts—who wrote Let It Breathe […]

Loony

SO here was my plan for beach week, which is the same was my plan for every other beach week I have ever attended: Paddleboard and snorkel all day, then gorge myself on wine and buttered prawns all night while hanging with my favorite people in the world. Lather, rinse, repeat with extra butter.

[…]

Nature v/s Nurture v/s Just Plain Dumb

Yesterday my friend Thomas said to me, “I took a bunch of cold medicine, but I feel regular. But bottle has dire warnings on it telling me not to drive and/or operate heavy machinery because the meds will cows drawsiness.

Me: Did you just say “Cows Drawsiness?”

Him: No… Wait. Did I?

Me: Please […]

Warning: TACKY. Contains Cat Butts

These candy bars cost five dollars each. THEY. ARE. WORTH. FIVE. DOLLARS.

I am home and sick and worn to a nub from tour. I walked in my door and my immune system crashed from all the breathing in airplane air which is full of plague rat dander and leprosy spores.

BUT LOOK […]

Mango! MANGO! MAAAANGO!

SO! I am turning in THE SECRET WRITING PROJECT this week. Last night I borrowed a whole writing group from Susan Rebecca White (Lookit her fancy new website!) to get fresh eyes on this thing before I turn it in.

I have FIVE FULL SETS of notes on TSWP, and this morning was all […]

A Picture of Monday in Bleach and Blue

Mango would like it known he resents being cast as the ominous murderer in so many of my recent blog pet pictures, to which I reply, “Perhaps you should stop looming around, terrorizing Ansley. Maybe stop making blood-lusty throat-goat warbles and giving yourself minor brain damage by hurling your face into the glass in a […]