Comments: In Which I Fail Essays

I say just go write it just like you would your novel and then have someone IRL act as your editor. That's what I do. I don't have problems with homophones (I guess you could say I'm not homophonic!), but comma rules completely escape me. Fortunately, I work with a girl who derives real pleasure from cleaning up my messes, so I just let her read everything I write.

Posted by Leandra at September 19, 2007 6:15 AM

Why in the world are you up at 4:53 AM?

Posted by jean at September 19, 2007 6:46 AM

(from kitty):


Posted by Brigitte at September 19, 2007 7:51 AM

I was going to suggest "U IZ COMFI?" but I like Brigitte's better.

Posted by Badger at September 19, 2007 8:01 AM

Oh, my gosh, I think you need to let your unique genius flow and then find someone to change your THEREs to THEIRs and whatnot. If you have no one in real life, I bet you could find someone here who'd volunteer. (I'm an anal-retentive former copy editor Virgo. Just saying.)

You mean you lie to make a story better? Truly, I'm shocked. :-)

Posted by amy at September 19, 2007 8:24 AM

I bet not everyone tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in essays. I think even something that's technically non-fiction should allow for artistic embellishment. Seriously. I'm with the others - I say write it like you'd write it for FTK, then let a willing volunteer editor clean up the spelling and whatnot (<---technical term!) for consumption by non-FTK readers.

BTW, I WANT that puppy in the photo (although I already have a puppy who is not quite 4 months old, so I need another puppy like I need to have a stick of burning dynamite shoved up my left nostril).

Also, Brigette's caption suggestion almost made me choke on a bite of cherry pop tart.

Posted by DebR at September 19, 2007 9:13 AM

I wanted to make a clever comment, but i had writer's block. And everyone else said it better anyway. (Deb, can I have some cherry poptart?)

Posted by janet at September 19, 2007 9:50 AM

Ooo I like Bridgette's but I have to admit my first thought was "Here. Smell this." Yes I have sons and it shows :)

Our dog also likes the catbox crunchies. She does this walk of shame where she holds her nose to the floor as she walks so we won't notice the ring of white around it.

Going off topic a bit, but I once saw a kitty litter cake recipe that had tootsie roll poops. My boys always beg me to make it for their birthday.

Posted by Laura L at September 19, 2007 9:58 AM

"Part of it is I am writing a novel now in earnest"

Ya think?

LOL cat caption:

"I gots dis one cap'n... you gots the udder one?"

"sittin' on seement gives me 'roids"

Posted by Heather at September 19, 2007 9:59 AM


Posted by Stephanie at September 19, 2007 10:12 AM


Posted by dramamama at September 19, 2007 10:19 AM

Okay. First of all, there are NO writers who have never had a THERE morph into a THEIR on its way from brain to page. There may be some who CLAIM that has never happened to them, but they are lying LIARS. I am a self-professed anal-retentive grammar queen, and yet when I'm in the flow on a screenplay I've been known to their theres, to toos, blew blues, and perpetrate horrifying numbers of typos. The good news is that I'm good at catching 'em after the fact.

Seriously, I'd be happy to proofread your essays for you, if you want.

Posted by Aimee at September 19, 2007 10:37 AM

I had to check back to see if anyone had come up with other captions and y'all are TOO funny!!

(Janet, sure, pop - har! - on over and I'll set you up with a cherry pop tart of your very own. )

Posted by DebR at September 19, 2007 11:42 AM

What a timely blog post since I just today wrote about homophones and homonyms. Seriously. And this is not something I have ever written about before.

It all evolved when I, former newspaper reporter, morphed into an English teacher. And yesterday (yes, YESTERDAY) one of my students told me one of his good friends just happens to be my proofreader from the newspaper who I theorize knows every one of my bad writing habits better than I do. Who could probably tell homonym horror stories about my writing.

Really, it's just scary. I think I need to bribe the proofreader before the truth gets out.

Posted by Linda Sherwood at September 19, 2007 11:47 AM

There are some traditonal LOLCAT captions and forms of captions that get re-used. The most frequent and common is "I CAN HAS ____????" This pic looks like a candidate for the SECOND most frequent and common:


In fact, if you shop at WOOT! (my husband does, religiously, as much for the witty text as for the awesome deals on electronic computery man toys; it is his FAVORITE blog, I think he he checks it more than he checks MINE!!! You can find it at for the wooterly uninitiated) anyway, some days, instead fo a single item, they have a woot off, which is where they CLEAN OUT THE WAREHOUSE by posting a new item in very limited quantities for a great price, and a new item goes up the second the previsou one sells out.

When a DUMB BAD item gets posted (for example they had sports umbrellas, once) and people fear it will sell out slowly and DELAY or kill the woot off, people post PAGES and PAGES of DO NOT WANT lolcat pics. This would be good pic for that, as yellow smashed kitty emphatically DO NOT WANT that dog.

Another traditional form of lolcat vernacular is "I'm in ur _____, Blanking Ur _____" so this one could be:

"I'm undr ur dog, chekkin' out teh Chassy."

Posted by Joshilyn at September 19, 2007 11:51 AM

so I guess now would be a bad time to ask you to guest blog on my site


Posted by Dianna at September 19, 2007 12:15 PM

"get awf, I cant breaf, I cant breaf"

Posted by pam at September 19, 2007 12:20 PM

Puppy: PWND!

Kittn: U wll pay 4 dis!

Posted by Sarah at September 19, 2007 12:53 PM

"I don' see no steenkin' cat!"

Posted by Amy-Go at September 19, 2007 2:33 PM

YOU need help!
and by the way, I got the book!
you are kind, beautiful, winsome, charming, ect, ect...I love de lovity my book. I think I'm going to read it again. Just to see if I'm as surprised the second time as I was the first. {grin}}

Posted by Desi at September 19, 2007 3:35 PM


Seriously. Anyone who can use THAT word and still make sense can write just about anything.

If ewe right it, they we'll reed.

Those Lolcat suggestions are HILARIOUS!!!!

Posted by Roxanne at September 19, 2007 6:08 PM

Wouldn't you have to stifle a very loud voice in order to write Truth-is-Boring-Formal-Essay? A very loud and INSISTENT voice, but yet still pleasant to the ear.

Pup: Is my timeout done yet?

Posted by Patti at September 19, 2007 8:00 PM

Oh, and also?

Would you guest-blog for me tomorrow?

Posted by Lisa at September 19, 2007 10:23 PM

Dude, I think were doing this(squish)wrong.

Cat: Ok, ok, you can have my lunch money you bully.

Cat: I'll come up with the money I swear, just tell you boss to call off his dogs!


Posted by Tina at September 19, 2007 11:54 PM

I pink-puffy heart you - because you are published and make all the same mistakes I make unpublished.

Posted by MitMoi at September 22, 2007 10:00 PM

You may find interesting the following article ( It gives good examples of where to find information/resources in creating first class essay and How to Write a 1st-Class Thesis or Dissertation.

Posted by Marian at September 24, 2007 2:13 PM