Comments: GRUMPLE

Oh my. You need a Poor Baby, don't you?
I know it doesn't help one little bit, but I know just how you feel. When Shane goes out of town, my oldest daughter just makes sure that we have plenty of comfort food on hand, and she always stocks up on chocolates. Then, from the day that he leaves, she takes over all regular tasks, like dinner, and making sure the chores get done, because frankly, I AM TOAST. I am not allowed to make any decisions while he is away. We've learned that it's just not a good idea for me to do anything that requires brain cells.
Basically, I spend my days in front of my computer trying to fool myself into believing he will answer my e-mails, and my nights on the couch snuggled under OUR blanket, watching chick-flicks with my oldest. He comes home and I run to the shower, because I usually don't make it up the stairs if he isn't home.
I feel your pain!!

Posted by dee at May 12, 2006 9:18 AM

I want my monkey. Please send it priority mail. That way I will occasionally have someone else here to talk to, since I cannot call you today what with the busy schedule of eating worms and drowning that you've mapped out.

Posted by Mir at May 12, 2006 10:09 AM

Oh, Joss. I sure hope you'll forgive me for waxing insensitive here, but OMG you're a screamin' hoot when your M.I. number goes up like this. And in defense of The Great and Powerful Scott, bless his heart, I think I remember you sort of quoting him on the matter of WHY he seems so attached to you and his answer was something like life never being dull around you. And Amen to that! NOBODY does hypothetical digressions like you do them! Especially the ones in Olde English! *desolving with glee* Oh, and the phone solicitor? *ROFLMAO* You RULE! *much bowing and scraping*

Posted by David at May 12, 2006 10:12 AM

About B4B - Thank you Leslie! :-)

About Scott being gone - Shouldn't there be some sort of clause in his work contract that he's not allowed to travel while you are planning, writing, and/or revising a book? Maybe y'all should look into that.

About the goats, the chirpy girl, and the Sam and teacher converstaion - ROFLMAO!!!!

Posted by DebR at May 12, 2006 10:25 AM

I want my monkey!
Oh, and sorry you're all grumpy n'stuff.

Posted by Chris at May 12, 2006 10:28 AM

Oh, that something-family-something? My hubby's aunt (who at the time I had NEVER met-- she lives halfway across the country) gave them my name and number. I had the same reaction as you, although not as funny :) Oh and my sons like to tell people all the things I "don't know how" to do as well.

Posted by Laura L at May 12, 2006 10:37 AM

Sorry for your troubles ... but I have to say I LOVED your reply to the telephone personage. Yeah, what a cool idea -- maybe have parents exercise some control over what their kids watch instead of having a bunch of ... (people with strongly-held opinions different from mine) ... exercise control over what EVERYBODY can watch?!?!

I realized I was getting a little soapboxy there so I had to insert the phrase (people with strongly-held opinions different from mine) in place of a shorter pithier one I was going to use. Anyway, excellent comeback, Grumpy You!

Posted by Trudy at May 12, 2006 11:17 AM

I just love reading anything you write. I think this is the first time I've commmented though. It must have been the hairy goat lozenges that got me.

p.s. - Cruel Shoes?

Posted by catherino at May 12, 2006 11:44 AM

Oh, that was so totally the type of conversation I have with those STUPID SURVEY people. Argh, you sign up for the National no call list and THEN find out it doesn't effect surveyers, non-profits, and your ex's creditors.

How old do you have to be to think you want to wear purple spangled (torture chamber) shoes? Shoot me before I get that far...okay. But those cute beige suede wedgies? I'm so there.

Posted by Cele at May 12, 2006 12:07 PM

wha-hooooo, I want my MONKEY!
I Know exactly how you feel. Being married to a Marine for 18 yrs. Try functioning for 18 months at a time without the other half of your brain, (the good sane half)My girls thought everybody had pizza delivered every night for dinner. and wasn't shy telling the world either. Several times I dug a hole, but alas, the water table in Va.Beach was too high, & I almost drowned, so I just sat on the edge........for 18 yrs

Posted by desi at May 12, 2006 12:14 PM

I feel your Grump. My Mr. Clean is the man behind the green curtain here. When he's home, life is Oz in its most perfect sparkling glory. When he's gone - the flying monkeys arrive to wreak havoc and the munchkin songs turn dark and creepy. Nothin' works.

Way to take it out on the survey girl, though!

RE: B4B -- Congrats to the 7 finalists!

Posted by dragonfly at May 12, 2006 12:46 PM

Re: B4B - Thank you! Can I SQUEEEEE here too? (oh, I just did) And Congrats to all the other finalists.

ROTFLMAO about your conversation with the chirpy girl. So something I would've done.

Posted by stephanie at May 12, 2006 2:38 PM

I'm tickled pink (and sparkly!) about B4B :))) Thank you so much!

I always think of witty comebacks to telemarketers AFTER I've hung up. Grr. I LMBO with your reply (and Spader...omg....yummy)

Sorry your husband is out of town :( I know I can't function without mine!

Posted by Angel at May 12, 2006 2:44 PM

I'm so sorry your week is sucking, I'm sorry about the puking and the chirpy telemarketers who are puckered at both ends and your son's lack of faith in your culinary abilities.

But damn, you're funny. When my husband's away I just get bitchy. Oh, wait, I'm like that when he's around, too. Damn.

Posted by Becki at May 12, 2006 2:59 PM

Oh, brilliant meme. If you were a shoe, what kind would you be?

I'd be a neutral metallic wedge sandal. Kind of hip, practical with jeans or skirts, but liable to break an ankle trying to be cute.

E-spouse is gone for four days. Wanna have a virtual Pomtini party tonight?

Posted by Edgy Mama at May 12, 2006 9:25 PM

I was contacted by the "Clean TV" people, too, and they are selling videos. That is their whole deal. They sell videos that they created and the weird/funny part is listening to a grown man describe the plots to you over the phone. Heh.

Posted by Sheri Guyse at May 13, 2006 2:28 AM

OOooooooooooh! the CRUEL shoes!!! LOVE steve martin.

and i will soon be ordering my wonderful copy of your book! with your SIGNATURE in it! HOORAY!!! :)

YEA you!!!

Posted by kristen at May 14, 2006 7:48 PM

I won a monkey! I never win anything and now I won a monkey. That is so cool.

Posted by Mary H at May 18, 2006 9:29 AM