Comments: The Little Pets

Okay, here is a really stupid question I should probably know from the magnificently glorious Kudzu-riffic archives, but do you guys have an actual pre-existing pet NAMED "Waffles," or are your lovely brilliant charming offspring practicing Waffle Husbandry (in the 4-H sense) with representatives of the genus Eggo/IHOP?

Frankly, I'm hoping it's the latter--not just because I really really really don't want to install a guinea pig/snake/pony/mongoose here at the Chateau Ultra Trashy, but also because I am really really really enjoying the mental picture of the little waffle leashes and waffle rhinestone collars and waffle exercise wheels and even multi-colored tubular plastic Waffi-Trail (tm) housing complexes which proud ownership of a domesticated Dimpled Golden-Brown Belgian Breakfast Confection might entail.

This despite the fact that I have always been more fond of Pop-Tarts.

And then the other thing would be that if you kept your waffle companion long enough, defrosted, it would probably acquire a long shiny pelt of unknown derivation. Okay, maybe not shiny, but I bet it could still put Chia Pets to shame in the foliage department if you kept it slightly moist and warm.

(I add that last only as something to meditate on when you are faced with the delicious eclair cake. Just keep thinking "furry waffles on leashes in mid-July," and I bet you won't be tempted from the Path of Virtue.)

Posted by Cornelia Read at June 2, 2005 2:59 PM

How about some "newt" pictures?

Posted by Dave T. at June 2, 2005 3:08 PM

Now I have Python, Monty on the brain:

"She turned me into a newt."

"A newt?"

"Well, I got better."

Posted by ben at June 2, 2005 4:45 PM

Cornelia, Waffles is a one-eyed cat. Though Waffle Husbandry sounds... interesting.

Newts look just like tadpoles? Newts forever? Oh, honey. You'd better look up the life expectancy of newts. When they die, might I suggest a refreshing trip to New England?

Posted by Mir at June 2, 2005 4:46 PM

The life expectancy of newts? Just until they can get out of the container and mummify on the carpet. They don't rot, just turn into little newt mummies. I had one do that to me over holiday break during college on year. Buster never was the same after Dave left him.

Seriously, they only live a year or so, but they're oddly fascinated by dry land... which they can't live on. So you'll be lucky if they live that long.

And shouldn't that be newt-butts now?

Posted by Beth at June 2, 2005 5:33 PM

Just spit my (virtuous!) water all over the keyboard. Tad-butts! You slay me.

Posted by Amy at June 2, 2005 5:43 PM

Time to break out the P.G. Wodehouse books for your son...see if he can fancy himself as another Gussie Fink-Nottle!!

Posted by Elizabeth at June 2, 2005 5:58 PM

*ahem* While I myself am not personally inclined to participate in the VIRTUE CHALLENGE (otherwise known as "What? No gravy?"), I am entirely willing to assist others. To this end, eclair cake and other, um, non-essential, minimally nutritive food items may be sent my way for, er, testing. Yes that's it. Testing. *burp*

Posted by David at June 2, 2005 9:07 PM

I did a virtual crash and burn in day two. Ugh, pass the eclair cake, no really don't. Yeah do, er not. Plus it probably won't travel that well and then I'll have an ant encrusted fuzzy chia pet, which of course Arlo will eat, because I found out that Bassettes (besides thinking they are lap dogs) love white macadamia nut ice cream -so what the heck why not chocolate slimed chia fuzz? I think I will try starting back over at day one on Saturday, because Lord forbid I should miss Fast Food Friday and ice cream during workshop. I did drink to quarts of water today day, does that make me better? Please? I'm begging you.

Posted by Cele at June 3, 2005 1:17 AM

Ok - you convinced me. "SMALLER BUTTS FO'EBBAH" won me over. LOL. That and the little squeeze I did putting on my pants this morning. eek!

Posted by PJ at June 3, 2005 12:24 PM

Bwahahahaha! Newts forever.

Posted by Heather at June 3, 2005 6:09 PM

I love your pet stories. They always make me laugh. I also agree with Dave T, we need to see pictures.

Posted by Joe at June 3, 2005 6:17 PM

Okay, okay, I'm blogging about my 20 Daze of Virtue! The office birthday cake and Thai restaurant were mere piffle - I have the weekend upon me and also a visit to Walmart Supercenter where I picked up the naughty Fiddle Faddle and also the Salt and Vinegar Pringles last weekend. Here's to success for all.

Posted by Dara at June 3, 2005 6:46 PM