Comments: Up and Over

Poor you! Airline people stink! And speaking as a KIMBERLEY (notice the "E"), I gotta say WE AREN'T ALL THAT BAD. No, really we aren't. (Although if I was WORKING in a smelly airport full of disgruntled passengers (at that hour, mind) I may have been a wee bit snarky.
KimberlEy, who just finished your BOOK and can't stop sobbing onto my files and keyboard. Bravo!

Posted by FabGirlie at April 20, 2005 2:32 PM

Bit of assvice here: Run, do not walk, to the nearest telephone and call Employs-the-Hateful-Kimberly-Airlines. Explain you have a complaint about a staff member at the Greenville airport and you are going to talk to the highest-up person they can get you. Complain to them about the wench and identify her as precisely as possible. Explain that you will not only never fly them again, you will get everyone you know to boycott them, unless she receieves an official reprimand placed in her personnel file. Then explain that you won't know this happened unless you receive a copy of said letter. Then take all of this, along with the name and contact information of the person you talked to (who by this point will have agreed to just about anything to get you off the phone) and write the president of Employs-the-Hateful-Kimberly-Airlines with all of this same information, along with the contact information of the person you talked to on the phone.

I got an absolute rhymes-with-sandwitch fired from the San Diego airport a couple of years ago for being downright abusive to an older couple and myself. I did everything I detailed here, except I also asked to talk to her supervisor and reported her at the time. Last I saw them, the supervisor was leading her into the back with a very pissed off look on her face.

No, I don't enjoy getting people fired. But when customer service folks are out and out rude, the company needs to know that. Their business is built on customer service, and even if the front-line grunts forget that, the higher-ups remember.

Posted by Beth at April 20, 2005 2:38 PM

Oh, and just to put my anger in perspective: I'm a librarian who deals with the public on a daily basis; on the phone, via email, and in person (AND I do tech support). I understand the grumpiness factor. But a customer service professional doesn't take that out on the customer. If you need to take a break, take a break.

Posted by Beth at April 20, 2005 2:41 PM

AMEN, Beth!!! Jos, the next time someone is that rude to you at four a.m. you just call me and put them on the phone. I'm up feeding Sam anyway, getting no sleep, which puts me in the foulest possible mood, which I would be THRILLED to take out on someone who truly deserves it.
So sorry that happened to you!

Posted by Amy at April 20, 2005 3:12 PM


1. What Beth said.

2. I bet Kimbitcherly has never had her name appear in the Doubleday Book Club's editor's letter as one of the editor's "favorites this month". You have! Spring edition, page 6. HA!

3. I predict Kimbarelyhuman will die bitter and alone, with a twitching left eyelid, stringy hair, and a large festering wart on her nose. And ugly shoes. Karma, you know.

Posted by DebR at April 20, 2005 4:01 PM

We hate Kimberly!

I stand by Richard as my game show choice...he is the king!

We love Shrimp and grits and stuffed trout and crab cakes at Soby's. We do love that.

Joshilyn looked so pretty in her ensemble that Ann Taylor, if she walked in to the signing, would've stopped and made sketches.

We love Duff at "The Open Book".

We love Joshilyn Jackson. We love "Gods in Alabama".

I miss you.


Posted by Waylon at April 20, 2005 4:02 PM

Dearest Sweet Joshilyn,

On behalf of all Kimberlys on the planet, I apologize for the obnoxious, non-Kimberly like behavior you encountered.

I suspect its her MIDDLE name: you know like G. Gordon Liddy or, in this case, A. Kimberly Hole.

In general, we're nice bunch...


Posted by Kimberly (gasp!) at April 20, 2005 5:53 PM

Good Lord. Why couldn't the woman simply have answered your question with a "yes"? Surely that would have been much more effective, not to mention efficient, than repeating her question over and over. Sheesh! I think she'd make an excellent villain for the book that follows Between. You'd probably have to give her character a different name though, Pony Hole, for example.

On a kindlier note, I doff my hat to those chivalrous fellows, Duff and Waylon.

Posted by David at April 20, 2005 6:57 PM

You know? Not for nothing but what if you weren't just tired? What if you had had (God forbid) a death in your family? What if some horrible tragedy had befallen you? Who lets someone cry in front of them and not utter a single sympathetic word? 3 letters: UOK? That would have been nice.

I think you should use your mad writing skilz to pound out a letter to Air Bogus mentioning (over and over) Kimberly's rudeness. You know what? I hate Kimberly too. And karma is a bitch. That is all I have to say about that ;-)

Posted by Em at April 20, 2005 8:41 PM

Oh honey. The fact that you apologized to Kimberley for crying makes me want to pet your hair and feed you.
We all wish to kick her in her shins.

Posted by Kira at April 21, 2005 1:12 AM

I have had a Kimberly too, and it was a miserable experience. Why do these vicious attack humans always know when you are at your lowest? Oh, that's right - they are bullies, with all the cowardice that implies. Pbblllttt to them.

Posted by Jensgalore at April 21, 2005 8:19 AM

Bitch! Kimberly is a BITCH! I couldn't imagine waiting on a person who is crying in front of me and telling them to pull themselves together. She is just oozing with compassion. Well, you know what? You are someone and she is no one. Sucks to be her! You rock! Hang in there, luckily the whole world isn't like Kimberly.

Posted by Peek at April 21, 2005 8:25 AM

{{{{Joshilyn}}}} There is a Special Hell's Own Hell for Kimberly, where one tireless Jos-impersonator asks her, "Is this Air Bogus?" and she is required to smile sweetly and say, "It is. Sit down here, honey, and I'll rub your feet and Gene will bring you coffee and scones. We'll hold the plane" over and over into eternity. If she messes up, rabid hamsters with poopy bottoms will run up her legs and attach themselves all over her body, breathing like Darth Vader.

Just wanted to give you a better mental picture of Kimberly.

Posted by Jill K at April 21, 2005 9:54 AM

Okay, waving at a sign in response to someone's spoken question? That's rude. And evil. HATE Kimberly with a HATING HATE that knows no bounds. Ugh. Dealing with the public can be difficult, but the last time I checked, having a difficult job did not equal a free pass for being an evil wench.

Posted by Aimee at April 21, 2005 10:59 AM

Awww.. Poor Pluffy!!!! Lets find her and smack her in the ass!!!

Posted by Goldie (Sharon) at April 21, 2005 11:15 AM

Bwahahahahah at the Can't Read line. I ALWAYS do that (think up witty comebacks after the fact). Maybe, when you are here next week, we can get this book ( ) and study it. *snicker*

I grew up in SC (Columbia) but have only been to Greenville once, I think. My stepsister used to live there. Anywho, rotorooter has just arrived to keep me from babbling on forever in your comments.

Posted by Heather at April 21, 2005 3:19 PM

Good news: I am a psychic. Therefore, I am fully qualified to reveal to you a peek into the true life world of Kimberly the Hate-Monger, so that you may see the natural superiority and immensely higher quality of your own life, and your intrinsically More Important Place In The World than the odious and worm-like Kimberly Whom We Hate.

Kimberly: *pastes on cold smile* Next please!

Weary Traveler: I see by the sign above your head that this is Air Bogus.

Kimberly: *wordless sneer of condescencion*

Weary Traveler: Is that a yes?

Kimberly: May. I. Help. You? *unvoiced sigh of exasperation*

Weary Traveler: Indeed you may. I have here many many pieces of luggage to check-in, very heavy they are, and also I need to get my boarding pass. I paid online and I have 3 minutes to make my flight. Can you please help me catch that flight?

Kimberly: *gleeful sneer* I don't think you could possibly catch that flight, sir (you moron)

Weary Traveler: I realize this may be difficult, but I simply MUST get on that plane. It is the last one today to get back to my country, and if I do not make it, I will be unable to avert the civil war that is brewing by bringing them the good news. Please, miss, this is vital.

Kimberly: *audible sniff and severely condescending look* I'm sorry, sir, but you've waited far too long. You will be unable to make your flight.

Weary Traveler: But, ma'am, I was delayed by the sobbing of the woman three people ahead of me that you brutalized. If perhaps you had simply treated her with respect, the line would have been moving more quickly, and I could have made this flight.

Kimberly: *rolls eyes* May I help you sir?

Weary Traveler: *with great dignity* Perhaps you could have. But you chose not to. *walks away sadly, valet towing luggage behind, to another airline counteer, trying to find another flight*

Later that night....

Kimberly props her jackboots up on the scarred-up coffe table and swigs directly from her daily bottle of Cuervo Gold Tequila, flipping through TV channels, and happens to see the news update on CNN...

This just in.. civil war has broken out in Eastern Europe again, as dissidents, expecting an answer to their demsnds from the current administration this afternoon, began car bombings at the silence they received instead. A senior government official had this to say, "We worked it all out, I know we did. We drew up the documents and they only awaited the signature of the Cabinet before implementation..if only they would have waited one more we cannot give in, or it will be caving in to terrorists." The rebels could not be reached for comment. We go now to Rhett Lively for a statement from the White House.

"Thank you, Jim. We are just in time to hear the official release...

"Ladies and gentelmen, we are sorry for the plight of all of Eastern Europe. Some here may be unaware of the current situation in that area. After intense negotiations, we had helped arrange a compromise that could have not only brought a lasting peace to the entire region, but also have been advantageous for the U.S. in bringing a huge new influx of oil reserves. We would have been able to buy oil from these peaceful nations at a fraction of the cost of what we are paying now, taking away the grip of power held by many Middle-Eastern tyrants, and of course lowering the price of gasoline considerably. However, now with these renewed hostilities, this bright new hope has receded from our grasp indefinitely."

This newscast is abruptly interrupted by the sound of ferocious pounding on the odious Kimberly's door. "Open up! National Security!"

Kimberly drops the bottle of Cuervo in a panic and dithers around until her door is knocked down. She stands there shivering in fright as cold-eyed agents hold her at gunpoint as they ransack her apartment looking for evidence of sabotage. Later she sobs as hard-eyed, unsympathetic female agents with poker faces strip search her and treat her to a body-cavity search in a coldly clinical interrogation room. About 36 hours later, having undergone numerous searches and intense interrogations, aided by massive sleep-deprivation, Kimberly is released on lack of evidence. The agents that expel her bodily onto the street sneer condescendingly as they advise that she look for work in a field other than that involving customer service in the future.

Needless to say, Kimberly is not treated very warmly when she returns to work. They have her last paycheck waiting for her, and a complete lack of expression on her bosses' face, as she is informed that no letter of recommendation will be forthcoming.

See? Think of how much better your life is than that... :)

Posted by hiai at April 21, 2005 7:27 PM

I love to take Kimberly types down a few notches...I also admit that I can be a petty wench when faced with that kind of behavior. If I had been in your shoes, I'd have pulled out that full-page ad from Sunday's NYTimes book review section...that big ol' full-color one on the inside front cover with YOUR NAME in it...and I would have oh so casually placed it on her counter, looked down at it, back up at her and in my snottiest voice asked, "One more this Bogus Airlines?"

Congratulations on #17! I picked up your book a few days ago at a Barnes & Noble in Portland (we were traveling). Here's hoping you've gotten your one 'no one showed up' signing out of the way and that all of the rest of them will be smashing successes!

Posted by Marilyn at April 22, 2005 9:23 PM


I was ROFLMBO ("I can't Read!" LOL) until I got to the what-really-happened part. I cannot believe anybody in customer service would be so STUPID and MEAN as to say "Pull yourself together." Honestly, you should report her to her manager. Better still, follow Beth's advice. You didn't do anything wrong; she was WAY out of line.

Umm...hmmm, that turned into a tirade. What I meant to say was, I'm really sorry you didn't fly Delta.

But either way, Marilyn's right. K'hole is...hello!...working in customer service for an airline, dealing with cranky travelers most of the time and genuinely beautiful and important-but-stressed authors once in a while. And you? You're an important Author! About to Go Somewhere! :::thumbing my nose at Kimberly::::

Posted by Katrina Stonoff at April 23, 2005 10:08 PM